delve a little deeper....
A lighthearted (or possibly catty) view of some of the types of men one can encounter on punting forums. With apologies to Roger Hargreaves
Mr Know It All
He is: The Long term hobbyist.
Likes: Writing reviews, boasting, saying the same thing over and over again.
Dislikes: Being questioned on his opinions
Most likely to say: I've been punting for 78 years and have punted with 68,000 women including Eskimo and Inuit women. I've had some right stunners in my time!
He is: Appalled he has to pay for sex
Likes: Soho walk ups
Most likely to say: I don't know why these girls think they can charge more than £30 an hour. Most of them are chunky and nothing much to look at anyway. I've had some great punts for £10 and who cares if they don't speak English as long as they are fit and let me bang their pert arses I'm happy!
He is : New and nervous
Likes: Asking questions, a lot of questions.
Dislikes: Living at his mums
Most likely to say: I've been lurking here for 4 years and I think I'm ready to lose my virginity. Who do you recommend? What shall I ask for to make my first punt special, anal or bondage? I'm really scared I'll get ripped off or catch a disease. Does clingfilm work instead of a condom?
He is: The moraliser caught between guilt and lust.
Likes: Telling married men they deserve all they get if they get caught. Saying he is never ever ever punting again.
Dislikes: Believing that escorts enjoy what they do
Most likely to say: Escorts fake everything! or How could you treat your partner like this?! You disgust me!
He is: On a never ending quest for a hooker girlfriend
Likes: Thai women
Dislikes: Being told he is a fool
Most likely to say: I have a really great rapport with this girl, I know she likes me as she has stopped charging, but I'm paying her rent and I'm paying to fly her brother over to the UK. I think it's love because I'm sure she doesn't see any other men anymore.
He is: The one that starts pointless threads
Dislikes: Most things
Most likely to say: Don't you just hate it when a woman's wallpaper doesn't match your pants? And what about avocado bathroom suites? Vile! I emailed this girl ten whole minutes before I arrived asking for pink lacy knickers, a halterneck dress and purple lipstick and she didn't even bother!
He is: Pretending to be nice but is a stalky creep
Likes: Telling women where they are going wrong
Dislikes: Being told after meeting 3 women he is not a world authority on escorting.
Most likely to say: I'm a perfect gent, it's all about pleasuring the lady. I even tell her how she can improve her website and make herself look prettier. I often bring biscuits along and stay for ages chatting and we email or text daily. I'm really upset my last lady got an injunction out on me.