delve a little deeper....
Discovered today I have a new Punternet Field Report! Here it is if you're interested!
You may or may not be aware of THIS webpage. The point it is trying to prove is a little vague. The site says:
Before I start with this blog I need to say I know I am coming from this as a privileged escort. I choose who I see, I don't have to see everyone who calls me, noone controls me and I genuinely love my job. I am fully aware many women do not have this and whenever I write about how fortunate I am or about issues regarding criminalisation I try to be mindful of this. So, before I continue, I AM aware that some men are twats and some women are unhappy and abused. I am just putting an alternative view on the Invisible Men project.
Each day on this website there is a picture of a mask with words taken from the Punternet review section.
Now reviews, they can really help with establishing an escorts reputation and certainly increase hits to a website. My reviews have always been pretty kind and complimentary. They usually give me a warm fuzzy glow and I am not offended by them or feel objectified by them. Again, I am lucky I get to see lovely respectful clients.
However, I must admit sometimes I read reviews and I do feel for the woman. They can be brusque, demeaning and personally insulting to a woman. On the other hand, like in any service industry there will be good and bad and views are subjective. The point of 'bad' reviews is to let people know what to expect in the same way that we might research a new laptop, restaurant or tattooist.
Choosing an escort can be tricky. I have heard many stories of men finding it hard to get a reply from women on Adultwork. There are tales aplenty of bad service and of men being ripped off or threatened by heavies as as well as a concern from many men that they might pick someone who is trafficked, forced or really doesn't want to do the job. Trust me, most men are not abusers and most men want no part in using the services of an unwilling woman. They also have to look out for themselves. They are parting with a lot of hard earned money, they often nervous about discretion and might have a limited time slot. As a minimum they need an escort who will be where she says she is at the agreed time, provide the services he requires and make him feel she is enjoying it too. On top of that he might desire a safe area to park his car, a woman who is able to converse in good English or who has natural boobs.
It's not uncommon to hear of women stretching the truth about their age or dress size. Whilst I believe sexiness goes deeper than how old you are or how much of a tummy a customer has a right to make these choices. If you really fancied a steak and chose a restaurant which promoted it's wonderful aged Scottish steak then showed up to find that they were only serving vegan food that night, however yummy the bean and lentil stew might be you're going to be pissed off.
Review sites exist to help men choose the right escort for them and to check out if she is what she says she is.
The Invisible men project has clearly cherry picked quotes to shock and outrage. The graphics help create an image of faceless women with no features and are nothing more than a price tag. There has been much applauding of the project and from the responses on this Mumsnet thread it's clear the aim and result was to shock and disgust people. Comments include:
"certainly gives the reality of prostitution. so sad."
"Well, yes - because they are using women as objects - they might as well be toasters for all they care."
"Really sad - this is the reality of prostitution. None of that happy hooker nonsense."
"You can't respect men like this. There is no way the women they pay to be with respect them or think anything much of them, regardless of what these deluded freaks might think."
"Nooo, the basis of the argument is that men who use prostitutes are utter cunts."
And before I get accused of cherry picking, there were a couple of attempts by posters to question the project, but they were quickly shouted down and 90% of the comments were expressing disgust and supporting the project.
This New Statesman article by Helen Lewis attempts to be unbiased but clearly is supportive of the project and only looks as far as the words written and without any context.
And what of lovely things men say? No examples of them at all. Here are a few quotes from my own Punternet reviews:
Thanks Lydia for reminding me how good sex can be.
We had a chat about this and that and Lydia gave me another blowjob, however, I decided to wank myself over her tits, a brilliant end to a great great first punt!
To say that Lydia specialises in this (anal play) would risk ignoring all her other lovely skills, but she was careful, gentle and considerate as she introduced me to some new experiences.
Beautiful sparkly eyes with the naughtiest glint in them, a wonderful smile and a cracking figure: curves in *all* the right places and the *most* fantastic boobs it has been my pleasure to come across...
Treat her with the utmost respect gents, Lydia is one in a million.
with great natural boobs and a friendly, intelligent face.
Hardly insulting or objectifying are they?! Do they sound like monsters who hate women? No.
So let's look at some examples used on the project and see them from a different stance..
"She expertly began oral on my bare cock slowly at first then with a little help at a faster pace occasionally holding her head down impaled on my cock while she gagged and choked but never wavered - extremely professional young lady!"
You know, there are women who enjoy gagging and choking (not me though, but I know some who do!). Who is to say whether she enjoyed it or not. I have found the original review and it ends:
"Very nice friendly & willing young girl thoroughly recommended!"
Doesn't sound like she was miserable and unwilling to have this done to her does it? Those who are appalled by this review are judging it on their own personal sexual preferences. Here is another...
"Disappointing started with OWO which she reluctantly performed"...."she wouldn't kiss nor would she let me touch her fanny"
Yes, this does sound as if the woman was unhappy in her job. The writer of the review ends with a question over whether she does the job by choice or not. The tone of the words doesn't suggest he relished the booking, for all we know he went home and felt like shit about it and vowed to research harder next time. His review, if it is a true reflection on what happened is a fair warning to other men, whether on a harsh 'Don't waste your money lads' level or a saddened 'Don't be part of this poor woman's unhappy life' level we don't know.
One more- Look at this:
Sounds pretty horrible when reading doesn't it? Sounds as if she was abused and used. Here is the full report
The reviewer says:
Nicha is very attentive. I was undressed, caressed, kissed and made to feel at home
Many WGs have said the head of my cock is quite large and Nicha certainly had problems getting it into herself. Once in though, she rode me like the Pony Express.
whenever I pulled my cock out and thrust it back in, she cried out in pain, but never asked me to stop. Fake of course but done so well that it was fantastic.
Nicha is quite lovely, has a fantastic body and good tats if that turns you on. She fucks like an animal, got soaking wet from all the cunt juice and will take a bit of rough. The woman is practically perfect.
Doesn't that full review make it sound like a two way street? The reviewer sounds Ok doesn't he? Yes, the language is graphic but I don't think he is the sadistic, rapist brute he comes across in the few words The invisible Men project chose to use. I'm fairly confident Nicha enjoys this kind of sex or at least is highly professional.
The anti prostitution movement will do anything to try and further their cause. I have written enough about my personal feelings of the job and have always made it clear that I am not blinkered to the suffering and abuse of others and I feel that help should be given to those who are abused and desperately want out. I don't deny their are some nasty men who pay for sex, but will always make the point that many are lovely and 'normal'.
Why can't everyone see there are many sides to the industry and those who use dirty tactics such as The Invisible Men Project use their time more productively?
Some of you may have seen the Channel 4 documentary (Sex on Wheels- link to 4oD here) last night which followed four disabled people and their quest for sex. It's always fascinating for me to watch things about sex and sexuality and even more so when escorts are part of the mix.
I don't think many people really understand prostitution to be about something more than trashy looking, down on their luck types desperate to make money or the beautiful, glamorous 'high call' call girl types who get jetted round the world, so anything that changes those perceptions is a good thing. Rarely are escorts viewed as girl next door types, motherly, intelligent thoughtful or kind. We tend to be slotted into desperate crack whore or beautiful but manipulative pigeon holes. But this documentary wasn't really about us hos, it was about people who aren't able to have a conventional sex life for various reasons.
John is 26 and has learning difficulties, his mother booked him an escort to enable him to spend some time with a woman and lose his virginity. I can understand how having your mother book you an escort can be considered weird and creepy, but in John's case his mother has had to guide him through life a little more carefully than those with less vulnerable children. As much as she wants John to have a 'normal' life she will be aware that his vulnerability could lead to him being taken advantage. The fact she can bring herself to consider his sexual needs too, something most parent's don't really want or need to think about makes her pretty remarkable.
Carl was a self confessed stud in his time. He talked candidly about the kind of sex he used to get up to (lot's of and in as many places as possible!). He was then rendered paralysed from the waist down in an accident and all that changed. He is now in a wheelchair and can not get an erection or ejaculate. However, the feelings and urges a man (or woman) gets do not necessarily change due to disability. Carl is still the same person and it appeared that losing his sex life was something he coped with less well than he ability to walk.
I once did a survey (not a very scientific one) and asked lots of men if they had to lose either a leg or their penis which would they choose. The result was overwhelmingly high on the losing the leg side! Most men didn't have to think for a second to answer that losing their cock would be much worse than losing a leg!
The documentary showed Carl undertaking various forms of drugs and therapy to try and stir his penis back to life. He had a session with a psychosexual therapist (they used another title for her, but I can't remember what it was) who was attempting to find new ways of arousing him. From what they showed it was very much about sensual body to body contact and not focusing on the penis. Whilst she did not have full sex with him and it was billed as therapy I don't think what she did was very different to how a good escort would deal with the same situation. Pete said at the end that it was the first time he had had a proper hug his since his accident. That I think is probably as much what he missed as full sex, but hadn't realised it.
Anyone who has been in this game will know that whilst caressing and sucking the penis is what most men ultimately want body contact and a more sensual approach is often what is required and what many men miss when they pay for sex. It's not all about the assumed 'fucking a hole' thing many assume sex work is about.
The third person who appeared on a documentary was a young man called Pete with cerebral palsy who dreamed of becoming a porn star. He obviously had the usual urges a man of his age has despite being physically very limited. He was shown going through escort websites and discussing the kind of woman he liked- no different from the process many men go through- is it less palatable because Pete was operating his computer mouse with a stick in his mouth?
Finally Leah was a young woman with brittle bone disease and wheelchair bound. She said she was looking for a husband. Whilst she had had lots of sex she was aware that many men choose to sleep with her because it was something different for them to do, ticking a disabled woman off their tick list. She really wanted to change and meet a nice man rather than a one night stand. All her good intentions went to pot as they showed her on a night out, pissed up and going home with another man whose attitude reeked of using her as a novelty shag. I'm sure some will critisise her of being a bit of a slut, but actually she does no different to many young women and if showing that disabled people are actually the same as the rest of us in many ways was an aim of this programme then that was achieved.
I think the documentary gave a great balance between showing the difficulties disabled people face as well as showing they also have some of the same issues, concerns and needs in life as non disabled people.
The worst thing last night was reading the twitter feed connected to the programme. The #sexonwheels hashtag really brought out the nasty, rude and heartless scum that the internet seems to breed. Of course there were some very supportive tweets about the individuals shown on the documentary but also many horrid ones. I was actually shocked at the language used (cripple, mong, spastic to name a few) and the disgust over John's mother assisting him booking Laura Lee (the escort featured in the programme).
I can not see how anyone could fail to see why John's mother chose to do what she did or that she did it with love and compassion for her son. It didn't come across as weird of creepy in any way. The grief Laura also got was pretty hideous and she is obviously much tougher than me, I could never 'go public' and face the kind of abuse she has. She was sneered at for only doing it for the money and not really caring. Really? Do you think nurses, paramedics, rape counsellors, physiotherapists and others who use their skills and compassion in their job do it for free? The notion that us escorts are 'only in it for the money' was well and truly alive. Jesus, how do you think we should pay our bills, with rainbow dust and fluffy clouds?!
The fact that many people 'hate' sex workers is one I still have a bit of a problem with. I know mostly these people are keyboard warriors and say such things online because it makes them feel big and tough and cool but it does hurt a bit. I don't like being a whole sum based on my profession.
I am no more a typical sex worker than a school teacher is typical. There are good and bad in all professions, everyone has different work styles, ethics, enthusiasm, commitment and integrity. I suppose it's no different from being considered a sleazy estate agent or a ruthless banker or a bastard tax inspector. I think it's because I have never been in a job before that incites any sort of negativity!
And, in the same way that someone with a disability isn't 'typical' it can't be assumed because they are physically or mentally impaired they have no sexual urges or a need to be hugged.
On the plus side, I was pleased that the documentary showed that escorts do offer a wide range of services and are capable of dealing with all types of clients in a caring professional manner. It reminded me why I enjoy meeting virgins and those who don't fit into the typical client category (whatever that is!) and why much of this job is about making other people feel good and not just about hot sex and a pile of used notes.
If you or someone you know has a disability and would like to read more about sex and the disabled or find an appropriate sex worker do visit the TLC trust site
I am considering a trip to New York later on in the year- November/December I think. Mainly because the lovely boobtastic Sarita is going and it's always nice to have someone to hold your hand on such trips. It's not something I would have considered before and I haven't made definite plans as yet so I am only sticking my toe in the water to see if anyone based out that way thinks they might like to see me! I will only go if I feel there is enough enthusiasm for me out there. Although saying that a little holiday might be nice, I've always fancied New York.
I've been lucky enough to get some advice off the fantastic Annie, a courtesan based in New Orleans who I have known (in the online world) for ages. After all the US scene is very different to here in the UK and I will have to be super careful about how I go about it as This blog shows!
So, if you're in New York or you might be and think you'd like to hook up (or have any words of advice) do drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
In other exciting news I have had a fabulous new review on Punternet! If you'd like a read the link is here. Thank you very much to the lovely R for writing it! I enjoy our sessions very much too so it's a win win all round! He mentions the anal play section on my website which is here if you're interested! Anal play
Right, I am off for a long hot soapy shower! Toodle pip!
I went for a massage today. My neck and shoulders have been really sore, achey and knotted as hell and seeing as noone has come to my rescue I thought I would go see a professional.
So, here I present to you, in the style of a Punternet Field report....
Date:Thursday 18th Oct 2012
Time of Day:13.00
Type of Visit: Incall
Time Spent:45 minutes
Her Place: A small room in the back of a barbers shop. Clean, dimly lit with candles, although I did think the two men having their hair cut knew what I was up to, which might put off the easily embarrassed.
Description: Young slender EE girl, with long black hair, dressed in black. The picture on her website was a true representation of her. Nice tits.
Comments: I was asked to remove my dress and bra and lay face down on the massage table. She put on some nice plinky plonky piano music, which in my opinion is much better than rainforest music or whale noises that some masseuses favour. Pianos don't make we need a wee. She asked me what I wanted and I told her that I needed my neck and shoulders sorting out. She was very efficient and soon had me purring with happiness as she rubbed her hands over my back and worked her fingers into my knots. The occasional finger brushed past my breast which was all very exciting and I wondered if I could ask for a happy ending. What happened next gentlemen, shall remain between me and the young lady in question, but I can assure you I left floating on air and with a smile on my face.
Recommended: Yes, she tutted at my knotted neck and told me I needed to get seen too regularly and I think I will!
Would You Return: Yep
Was thrilled to discover I had received a Field Report in Punternet whilst I was away (Sods law I was out of the country when this happened, but hey!)
It was from a lovely guy who said he found me on there and I do vaguely remember him saying he would write a review but it fell out of my head and often men do make such promises they don't keep so it was a lovely surprise.
Here is the linky- yes, I am fabulous!
Seriously though, some of the kind things people say about me do make me blush, its a great ego boost and goes a long way in establishing me as a genuine decent escort.
Hooray! If the author is reading, thank you very much, is very much appreciated and yes you did make me come! I'm not that good an actress!
Am thrilled to see I have another Field Review on the Punternet Website. Here it is if you'd like to read it!
Not only is it fabulous to get these reviews, they do wonders for my ego but it's lovely to know someone enjoyed their time with you enough to make the effort to write a report. Of course these things never hurt business and any record from a third party to prove I am who I say I am and that I do offer a good service is a good thing!
I'm thrilled because it is so lovely and from a lovely man (and no I'm not just saying that!)
In other news my campaign to spur England on to victory was futile, but at least I don't have to keep thinking of fun, sexy, relvant pictures to take!