delve a little deeper....
There seem to be a lot of myths and confusion about female ejaculation or squirting as it is often referred to. I had no idea such a thing existed until a few years ago- It was never something anyone talked about and I think I discovered it through porn. Even then I thought that it was faked and women couldn't actually do it.
Then after a period in the sexual wilderness (I was married to a dickhead whose idea of foreplay was telling me to ‘make yourself ready' which meant taking my knickers off) I started to experiment alone. Obviously masturbation has been part of my life for as long I remember, but lately had been nothing more than a quick finger shuffle under the bedclothes before said dickhead was in bed.
When he was out of the country I went back to exploring my own sexuality a bit further (read into that what you will). Armed with a new vibe in hand, some filthy fantasies in my head and plenty of time to play I started to become a lot wetter than I ever had before. Talking to a dear male friend of mine I discovered he had a bit of an obsession with squirting women and talking to him got me to thinking whether it was something I could learn to do! There was certainly a lot of fluid going on down there and whilst it was more like gushing than squirting I wondered if I had the potential.
A female friend I stayed with for a while confessed to me one night that she squirted most times she had sex. It came naturally to her and without special stimulation to get there so I felt more assured this wasn’t just a myth created by porn and got me wondering more about it.
So, what is it exactly? There is a lot conflicting information out there which doesn't help, but I think I've figured out the most up to date and most likely information. There's a lot of crap too, outdated medical info and websites only interested in selling you a DVD! The scientific research however, seems to point towards it being something all women can do but very few actually do and those that can will do it to different degrees and regularity.
A little History
Billed as a new phenomenon, or something that women *have* to learn how to do on most websites, further reading indicates this is not the case at all.
The Kama Sutra mentions and celebrates female ejaculation and many Indian temples including Khajuraho (Madhya Pradesh), Konark Sun Temple (Orissa) and Vijayanagara temples (Karnataka) have carved images depicting female ejaculation.
Chinese sex handbooks, such as Secret Methods of the Plain Girl by Su Nu Ching (Sui Dynasty 590–618 AD), also describe ejaculation "Copious emissions from her inner heart begin to exude outward" which is a nice way of putting it I think!
Greek and Roman writers debated about female ejaculation- not whether it existed or not- that was a given but whether the fluids were progenitive (contributed towards procreation) and were part of a woman’s fertility. Aristotle (384–322 BC) did not believe that the fluids were progenitive and in the Generation of Animals, argues that the function of the fluid is pleasure, not procreation.
On the other hand Hippocrates (460–370 BC) and Galen (129–200 AD) stated that female ejaculation served the same purpose as male semen. Hippocrates stated "if the ejaculate of the man runs together directly with that from the woman, she will conceive".
So, no debate on the existence of female ejaculation! Of course we know now that female vaginal fluid serves no purpose in making babies.
Fast forward to 17th century now, it appears no article on female ejaculation can pass without mention to The Dutch anatomist Regnier de Graaf, wrote an influential treatise on the reproductive organs Concerning the Generative Organs of Women. He identified the source of female ejaculation as the glandular structures and ducts surrounding the urethra. De Graaf referred to an erogenous zone in the vagina that he linked with the male prostate. Later this zone was rediscovered by the German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg-and is now known as the g-spot after him. More on that later.
Despite de Graaf’s observations, modern Western medicine did not fully accept the concept of a "female prostate" until 2001 when the Federative Committee on Anatomical Terminology agreed to use this term in their next edition of Histology Terminology.
We don’t want to dwell on the 19th century too long as Freud and his ilk were busy writing about feminine hysteria, the dangers of masturbation and that … ‘an abnormal secretion of the mucous membrane of the vagina is looked upon as source of disgust”.
It wasn’t all negative though, Almeda Sperry writing to her lover Emma Goldman in 1918 referred to the "rhythmic spurt of your love juices" and anatomical knowledge was coming on in leaps and bounds.
Alexander Skene's description of para-urethral or periurethral glands (glands around the urethra) in 1880, was moving us in the right direction towards explaining female ejaculation and are now commonly referred to as the Skene's glands. It’s generally thought that these glands are one source of the fluids in the ejaculate.
However, things hadn’t moved on that much into the 20th century. Feminist writer Sheila Jeffreys (1985) was dismissive of female ejaculation, claiming it as a figment of male fantasy and psychiatrist Helen Singer Kaplan stated in 1983 that “Female ejaculation (as distinct from female urination during orgasm) has never been scientifically substantiated and is highly questionable, to say the least.”
So, what is female ejaculation?
There hasn't been a great deal of research on female ejaculation, mainly because scientific funding tends to go towards financing serious medical conditions. However, there finally seems to be a general agreement in the medical world about the sources of female ejaculation. It's just a matter of ignoring the out of date stuff!
Firstly, let’s cover ‘usual’ vaginal lubrication. This starts at the very earliest stage of arousal in a woman and can occur through mental or visual arousal, not just the physical. This is where it differs from the liquid produced during ejaculation which takes a little more work.
The great vestibular glands (also known as the Bartholin’s glands) found on the edge of the hymen and labia minora (your inner flaps!). These glands secrete a small amount of thin mucus lubricant which aids in the lubrication of the vagina. Alongside this, most of the "wetness" of female sexual arousal actually comes through the vaginal walls from the tissues which lie directly beneath them. This liquid permeates the membranes as small droplets which join one another quite quickly, forming a smooth coating of the vaginal walls. These juices play an essential part in ensuring the vagina is ready to be penetrated by a penis. I’m sure many of you ladies can contest how uncomfortable it is to be entered before ready!
How Female Ejaculation works
There have always been scientific and social writings that explain female ejaculation away by claiming it is urine and many women may have assumed they had wet themselves when it has happened to them. This is one reason why female ejaculation has been a taboo for so long. No one wants to admit they pissed all over their lover, oh hang on actually…Joking aside, you see my point about embarrassment.
Whilst there may be traces of urine in female ejaculate due to its location, researchers have concluded that it contains some chemical ingredients similar to those produced by the male prostate - notably PSA (prostate-specific antigen). It is also said to contain two sugars: glucose and fructose. Since 2000, an increasing number of researchers have suggested the liquid may come from Skene's glands. These are tiny secretory structures which lie around the female urethra (the urinary pipe). Basically, the liquid is pretty much the same as male ejaculation minus the sperm.
Not every woman can easily ejaculate, In my reading I have found those who are adamant that all women can tend to be flogging a DVD,a seminar, book or trying to get you to sign up (i.e. pay) for the information on how to. In Masters and Johnson's famous lab experiments with over 400 women, they did not record anyone who ejaculated at climax. I did have some other stats on how many women claim to ejaculate, but I can't find the webpage now. sorry. In a nutshell not many- I think various findings put it at between 5% to 20% of women.
I think it’s probably best to conclude that most women probably can but every woman have different physical make up in the same way that some men have different size penises or that some women have more sensitive nipples than others. Added to that weak pelvic floor muscles or the inability to properly relax will play a part in it. I do agree with most writers on this topic that It does takes practice to perfect this trick and I think on your own is a good place to start! Even with a close partner you may not truely relax enough.
So whilst the internet seems tell us all women can do it, medical knowledge tells us all (healthy, normal) women have the right parts it seems not many women actually do it. In my experience many of my clients haven’t seen gushing before, or at least not very often, maybe in only one previous partner.
How to do it
So, what do you need to know? Well- The female prostate as first discovered by our friend de Graaf and then further clarified by Grafenberg is known as the g-spot. Even the existence of this has been debated... My personal feelings (and one pretty much proven by the science guys) are is that it’s there, but produces a different feeling when stimulated in different women. Some women will explode with happiness at the merest touch, others will find it uncomfortable to be touched and others will require more time. So, as the G-spot is stimulated the surrounding tissue slowly fills with ejaculate from the prostate gland. As a woman orgasms (although I'm debating the orgasm bit), contractions of the pelvic muscle cause the fluid to “squirt” forcefully through the urethra. Fluid volume (and G-spot size) varies in amount from woman to woman.
Just to confuse the issue some writers refer to this area as the urethral sponge. So, call it what you will, the important thing is to start the search when you are (or your woman is) already turned on.
Insert your fingers or dildo, aiming for the front wall (the side with your tummy button!) of the vagina. Stroke this area with a "come hither" motion. If you use your fingers, you'll feel the difference in texture between this area, which is rough, and the rest of the vaginal walls, which are smooth. It has also been described as bean shape, the size of a quarter (however big that it!?!) or as spongy.
Personally, I know where mine is but just pressing on it does absolutely nothing for me. These days gushing just kind of happens! I don’t (or my partner doesn’t) have to search for it! My personal routine may not work for another woman, which is another reason why I think these how to.. guides and seminars are mainly bollocks and pointless to pay for. There's plenty of free stuff and it's a bit trial and error anyway.
I’m convinced most the battle is mentally relaxing, not thinking you’re going to pee and lots and lots of stimulation in that general area as well as lots of practice (there are worse things to do with your time!) . Over the last year I can start getting pretty wet within minutes, the more hardcore gushing takes longer and of course it happens more quickly if I do it myself! It is also quicker if I’m already pretty turned on to start with!
Whilst researching this article I came across this answer in response to the question: ‘Can all women squirt?’ on Yahoo answers- I can't and I have never seen it. But I must admit, that has got to be the most disgusting thing in the world. If I were to do that, I would move to a foreign country and live in a cave for the rest of my life. Thank you and have a nice day.
Okaaaay! Each to their own opinion, but a little dramatic!
Despite Niagara Falls type gushing I still hadn’t figured out how to make the liquid squirt any distance. I have kind of learnt how to expel the gushing faster (it’s the pelvis muscles that cause the ejaculation apparently) so by almost pushing like you would do if you wanted to wee harder (the opposite way of using the muscles you use when try to stop a flow of urine I suppose) which is why I think most women don’t/can’t do it.
I’ve just found an interview with Rebecca Chalker on About.com who says:
There are many reasons that some women do not ejaculate noticeable spurts of ejaculate. Under the intercourse model, many women do not become sexually aroused enough to ejaculate. The penis may block female ejaculation during intercourse, or it may be blocked by a hand or the head of a vibrator. The tiny glands on either side of the urethra (the paraurethral glands) may have been scarred over by infection. Lack of regular sexual activity may also be a factor. Perhaps the principle of muscle exercise applies: use it or lose it.
A final note on my personal experiences. Nearly all articles state that the ejaculation comes with the orgasm. Not so with me and also not with my friend who can squirt great distances. This is a massive source of frustration because men think she’s come and stop doing what they are doing! Whilst the feeling is great whilst I’m gushing away I am not coming and not even particularly close to it a lot of the time. Trust me, you'll know when I've come. (I want to go to sleep straight after)!
The time I did get a bit of an ejaculation (those who have seen it can testify here!) it was definitely a whoosh- not quite up into the air but with considerable force- far enough to hit the camera a foot away! No idea what I was doing differently (other than sitting up with legs open) than any other time. Will just have to continue to experiment!
The… and finally… bit
In the United Kingdom, the British Board of Film Classification has banned films alleged to show female ejaculation, claiming that the expert medical advice they received informed them that there is no such thing as female ejaculation, and therefore it was deemed to show urine (which is prohibited). They later stated instead that they do not take any view on whether female ejaculation exists, only claiming that all examples they have seen thus far during classification have been urination during sex. In Australia, a similar view has been taken with regards to Internet Censorship proposals, which ban pornographic websites featuring female ejaculation.
Note: I originally wrote this a couple of years ago. I have since achieved squirting into the air and hitting people in the face status!
Please note I can not do this on command so please don't book me expecting a fountain, It's still usually a waterfall and only then if you press the right buttons!
I love sucking cock. I know that's probably a bit crass, but hey you're reading an escort's website.
I know this sounds all very 'Book me! I'm fab' but really I do enjoy it and I think I do it well, well no one has every complained. I do wonder if there is such a thing as a 'bad' blow job. I mean, most men are happy if someone has their cock in their mouth!
Ok, I know half hearted ones or ones with too much tooth aren't so good. Unless you like tooth. I have been asked to gently bite a penis before now and to grate my teeth along the shaft but I think it's fair to say that most men prefer no gnashers on their nob.
When I was younger, I didn't really like them. Well I didn't not like them, I did them but it was because it's kind of expected but I wasn't very enthused about it. I suppose in my sexual naivety I wasn't getting anything out of it so it was a bit 'meh'. I'm trying to pinpoint a time when I did start to enjoy giving them.... *thinks*...
Ahh yes, it would have been in my early 30's when I became single again, well actually it might have been a bit before then, but I wouldn't want to incriminate myself!
Anyway I don't think there was a penny dropping moment or a man who made me think 'Wow I love this'. Anyway, at some point I realised I do like to suck cock. I think it's partly because my inner slut came out, partly because my submissive, wanting to please side came out and because I grew out of the selfishness of youth! Giving pleasure to others is A.Good.Thing. Yeah a man thoroughly enjoying and getting off on my sucking him is a great feeling. I love to watch a man enjoy what I am doing to him. Maybe it's my ego or maybe I have become a more kindly person!
So, how does one give a good blow job. Ladies (or indeed gay and bi men) here is my definitive guide, Lydia's Guide to Sucking Cock.
* Look like you want to do it- enthusiasm is a turn on- I don't mean jumping up and down saying goody goody, this is not hot. Just be keen, as if it's something you've been wanting to do all your life, but quietly...
* Positioning is important. Being able to get good movement is important and it's no fun if you're uncomfortable to start with. Get between his legs as he lays flat on the bed or on your knees as he stands (my favourite). Men like this because it's a bit of a submissive/power thing and you can look up at them (this is important).
* How to start- a good blowjob doesn't mean shoving the whole lot straight in your mouth. You want to make it last a decent length of time and your jaw will ache if you just do the sucking up and down thing so make sure you spend plenty of time on the build up. Ignore what you see in porn. That's just rubbish.
* Start right at the base of his balls, lick them gently with both flicking movements and with long slow sweeps right around each ball. Then suck/nibble them, very very gently. How easy this is will depend on the looseness of his balls- some are more saggy than others. Use your hands too, cup the balls and careess them. If inclined lick his taint. (the bit between balls and arsehole) quite firmly. If also inclined lick down to his arsehole, but rimming is another lesson for another day.
* Look him in the eye. Try to look as if you're saying, you want me to suck your cock don't you? Look minxy, knowingly, cheeky.
* Then ensuring you have a wet tongue run your tongue from the base of his cock right up to the tip in one long movement. Use a flat tongue so you're covering as much area as possible, as if licking a lolly.
* Do the above a few times, maybe deviating from a straight line to a more wiggly one. Don't spend too long on the head yet.
*If he has a drip of precum, lick it up using the tip of your tongue very quickly, a flick across will do. If you're less keen, use your finger to stroke it off.
* OK, now the head, if he has a foreskin then slide it back using your hand and use your tongue to lick the exposed bellend. Flick your tongue (hope you're keeping it wet girls) and swirl it about.
* Tease him by putting your mouth around the head, say an inch in and suck on it with varying degrees of hardness.
* Do the lolly licking again a couple of times. vary by licking down one side or tilting your head.
* If your mouth is getting dry or you need to shift positions use this chance to kiss him- passionately. Whisper to him that you can't wait to get his cock deep in your mouth or similar promising line so he doesn't think you've stopped.
* Ok, back down to the cock, maybe swap positions so get him to stand or or lay down.
* Look him in the eye again, with his cock resting on your lips or by your mouth. Use your hand to move the cock across your lips or keep it still and use your head. whichever works for you without licking to start with, but after a moment start licking again.
* Back to his bellend. Lick and suck it, swirl that wet tongue baby!
* Now you may take him in your mouth deeper. The general rule is no teeth. Suck at varying degrees or harness and speed up and down his cock. By varying the speed it'll stop him from cumming (probably)
* If his wang is too big for you to take the whole thing in your mouth, you’ll need to use your hand too. Slobber all over his cock for a while first so your hand will slide easily up and down instead of just catching on his dry skin. The most important hand move is the twister. When you slide your hand up his shaft, twist your wrist. A twisting motion gets you into a smoother rhythm than the straight up and down. Slide your hand up and down on the base of his cock in conjunction with your mouth moving up and down on the rest of it. The hard part is finding the correct grip.
Another good trick is to wrap your hand around the top of his cock and put your mouth over your hand. Then slide your hand down the shaft and your mouth down on top of it in a fluid motion until your hand meets the base of his cock. It will feel like you’re sliding your mouth all the way down him even if you can’t.
* For variety and to maintain some eye contact. If you're feeling dirty slap it against your tongue or face, then look at him while you rub his cock against your cheeks and lips. Guys are visual, this is just a little something naughty for them to look at.
* I can’t really teach you how to deep throat, that’s between you and your gag reflex. The important thing, I think, is to make an effort to take him in as deep as you can, even if it’s only for a few seconds. It’s hard to explain exactly how to do this: try concentrating on relaxing your throat and jaw. As I mentioned before, it helps me to steady his cock with my hand when I go deep, and breathing in or breathing out through the nose instead of just holding your breath also helps abate that “gonna gag” feeling.
* Be assertive, if he tries to push your head anywhere or thrust during the above firmly stop him, a firm hand on his thigh, or move your head away and tell him to keep still and enjoy it. If all else fails tell him if he thrusts once more you'll bite it off. Even the most dominating man loves to be bullied once in a while. Please note, men who push my head down will get a short thrift.
Now, this won't work by following it step by step, stopping to read a print out of this. Read and remember and if you can't the simple version of this guide is.
Variety of movement and location.
Of course the above may or may not work for you nor will it for every man, but be guided by him, watch what he is enjoying the most. Oh and you can ask him- does this work for you? is easily said and gives your jaw a rest. Although go easy on the conversation, it breaks the moment.
Use as much saliva (tbh, I'm not so good at this) as you can manage, boys love to hear the noise too, so at some point make an effort to try and make squelchy noises! Some men like you spit on their cocks, but don't do unless you're sure- it can offend. Try dribbling spit from behind your hand onto his cock if you feel unladylike about doing it.
And there you go!