delve a little deeper....
I am happy to present my second guest post. The first one one is here.
Thank you so much Mr X (not his real name!), it is much appreciated.
Like the previous guest writer, I’m aware that my experience cannot speak for everyone, so it’s just my side of the story. But I think there is a whole side of the story when it comes to this business that is never discussed. A happy and safe side that can be a hugely rewarding experience, and not just because I’m getting my end away.
I am single -- which perhaps makes this a particular viewpoint. I never had to worry about a partner discovering, which ensures I can relax completely without this being a worry. That, however, is in large part due to the regular I see.
I think I’ve been lucky, but not through blind luck. It took me a long time to take the plunge to see a sex worker. When I did, it was because of things she’d written, not because of a list of outrageous promised services or a set of porny pictures. Over time, I became a regular client, and we seem to get on well -- which is important to me.
That last point might sound ridiculous. After all, I’m paying for this, right? What need is there to hit it off? And surely I’m deluding myself: she’s in it for the money.
That doesn’t have to be true. Yes, cash changes hands and that is in exchange for sex, and without it, nothing doing. But when you spend a couple of hours with someone regularly and get to know them (and I’m not really one for seeing a host of different women) there’s other things that are important too. We spend a good deal of time drinking tea, smoking and chatting. And that is just as enjoyable.
And it has allowed me to explore a few things I’d always wanted to -- but never quite dared bring up with partners. To be able to do that without being judged, without a post-mortem is quite remarkably liberating.
At the same time, it is entirely consensual. We already have legislation that covers the things that happen in this industry that isn’t. I’m sure the overwhelming majority of men would never want to be with someone who actually didn’t want to be doing this.
And over time, it’s possible to discover that the getting on well isn’t faked, that actually you *are* friends within the boundaries of client and provider. It’s as far as possible from the ugly stereotypes put out there in the media. There can be an awful lot of two-way respect going on. And a good deal of warmth, laughter and fun.
Oh, and the sex is fucking spectacular.
Earlier this week I hit upon the idea to ask a couple of people I like and respect to write me a guest blog post. I know that makes me sounds terribly important, or maybe even lazy, but I thought it would make a nice change to have a different 'voice' on this blog, new perspectives on the sex industry and also, I have writers block!
Mr B kindly sent me this this afternoon and I am most pleased- it's always good to hear from the the other side of the fence and, if I'm going to be a bit political, it goes towards demonstrating that the clients of sex workers are not evil, woman hating men.
So thank you Mr B, I really appreciate it! Here goes...
Ten things I've learned as a punter
When Lydia suggested I write a guest blog from the client’s perspective I was torn between two conflicting ideas. Firstly, that I couldn’t possibly represent the views of all punters, which deterred me and, secondly, that I wasn’t aware that it had been done before. The second idea gradually grew on me, so here it is: a list of ten things I’ve learned in the last couple of years – it may be helpful to others, but in the end it’s only my experience.