delve a little deeper....
I've been a bad girl again and not been blogging. *bends over for a smacked bottom*
It seems I get phases of rampant blogging and then periods of writers block. I say writers block, that makes me sound more of a 'writer' than I actually am! I suppose it's mainly because I don't know what to blog about sometimes and getting into a habit of not doing it rather than doing it!
So, what is new? Well, last week I had a couple of days on the coast which was fun. This week I haven't done much other than work and sit about being rubbish. I should have been researching and compiling intelligent and exciting blogs for you to read I suppose.
I do have a nice photo for you though from the seaside:
Pretty huh? Probably not quite the kind of picture you were hoping for dear reader, but as well as not writing anything much I haven't taken any saucy photos either. Must get back on track!
Oh, was thinking about Christmas, am a bit unsure what I am actually doing over the Christmas period and found myself wondering would there be any worth in working Christmas day? Would I get booked, is it worth promoting? Thoughts on a postcard.
I went for a massage today. My neck and shoulders have been really sore, achey and knotted as hell and seeing as noone has come to my rescue I thought I would go see a professional.
So, here I present to you, in the style of a Punternet Field report....
Date:Thursday 18th Oct 2012
Time of Day:13.00
Type of Visit: Incall
Time Spent:45 minutes
Her Place: A small room in the back of a barbers shop. Clean, dimly lit with candles, although I did think the two men having their hair cut knew what I was up to, which might put off the easily embarrassed.
Description: Young slender EE girl, with long black hair, dressed in black. The picture on her website was a true representation of her. Nice tits.
Comments: I was asked to remove my dress and bra and lay face down on the massage table. She put on some nice plinky plonky piano music, which in my opinion is much better than rainforest music or whale noises that some masseuses favour. Pianos don't make we need a wee. She asked me what I wanted and I told her that I needed my neck and shoulders sorting out. She was very efficient and soon had me purring with happiness as she rubbed her hands over my back and worked her fingers into my knots. The occasional finger brushed past my breast which was all very exciting and I wondered if I could ask for a happy ending. What happened next gentlemen, shall remain between me and the young lady in question, but I can assure you I left floating on air and with a smile on my face.
Recommended: Yes, she tutted at my knotted neck and told me I needed to get seen too regularly and I think I will!
Would You Return: Yep
Prague Castle from the river.
Did you all miss me?
I have been to Prague and had a fabulous time, no not working before you ask! Had a lovely time, very relaxing, but also knackering with lots of walking and sightseeing. I shall not bore you with my photos, but here is one to nicely illustrate this blog. I do think pictures make a blog look nicer!
So, I will not bore you with my holiday news, but I will tell you about The Museum of Sex Machines which we couldn't resist going to! Don't worry, we had plenty of proper culture!
Anyway, we watched a 1920's Spanish porn film which was entertaining! It was about a doctor who was taking advantage of his patients and his wife getting pissed off so she seduced her maid and they ended up getting bonked by another man, I wasn't quite sure who he was- it was a silent film so a bit of guess work of the plot was required. Apparently it is believed it was one of the very first films that showed threesomes! What was quite cool though was that the women were quite 'normal', not stick insects with fake boobs, tan, hair, eyelashes and nails. They were quite curvy with wobbly tummies and big bottoms and great big bushy minges! The men also had average sized looking willies too! They also looked kind of bored and blasé which whilst wasn't exactly erotic, made a nice change from the silly moaning and sighing and squealing you get in modern porn! Here is a picture I took, must admit I felt like a weird pervert taking the snap..
The rest of the museum was a combination of modern sex toys, which looked like they were purchased about 10 years ago from Ann Summers and some older ones. There was a collection of scary gimp masks and dog mask things as well as other BDSM related bits of kit. The signage was a bit shit and didn't give much information about the items which was a shame, would have interesting to know more.
Anyway, here are a few more pics!
And there we go!
Hope you enjoyed!
I'm having a few days off- as much as I love my job and having a frolic a girl needs to recharge her batteries sometimes!
I shall have a blissful, cultural, peaceful rest and not shave anything!
I shall be back working (smooth and silky) for you on Sunday 7th October.
I shall no doubt be back blogging my adventures!
I shall leave you with a snap of my boobs to keep you excited!
Seriously, I did, scary bastards.
I decided to take the day off and do some shopping and wandering in Twickenham. I went to the gardens of York House on the river and took my camera along because I wanted to take some photographs of the statues (more of in a minute). I stopped to try and take a picture of a squirrel, why anyone needs a photo of a squirrel I don't know but it's just one of those things you do isn't it? As if a squirrel was some rarely seen mythical animal only seen for two weeks in September between 3pm and 4pm... So I'm there thinking I need a picture of this squirrel trying to creep towards it and not make any sudden movements whilst simultaneously zooming camera and getting squirrel to look my way. Squirrel looks at me and I snap. Then it moves forward and I'm thinking oooh can get a really close one in manner of intrepid wildlife photographer. Squirrel is now hurtling towards me with murder in its eyes! I squeak like the girl I am and run away. After telling myself squirrel was not actually after me I continue pottering about feeling at one with nature. I stop to take a photo of a snail on a tree. At least they don't move much I thought.
Having found the macro setting on camera yet inexplicably turning it into black and white I took a snap of snail (seen right) I then realise I am surrounded by three squirrels all getting closer and with my murder in their eyes. Scream like a girl and run away again. One even chased me. I actually had visions of being mauled by these brave mutant squirrels and be found half eaten by the river by a passing tramp. Suspect squirrels have been fed a lot here and see humans as food providers and not actual food but they really freaked me out. Several times I had to walk very quickly away stamping my feet as I wandered about looking for the statues. Believe me I felt like an utter pratt but I was actually scared one would jump on me and scratch my eyes out. I couldn't believe how pushy these bushy tailed scavengers were. Even when I ran away they actually followed me! I texted a friend to ask if I smelled of acorns, but he only came back with some 'witty' comment about me smelling of nuts...cheeky fuck.
So, I found the statues, known as The Naked Ladies. They were originally imported from Italy by a corrupt financier who eventually took his own life the Oceanides (or sea nymphs) were acquired from Witley Park and brought to their current location by Sir Ratan Tata ( what a fab name) who had bought York House from the duc d'Orléans in 1906. Carved Italian Carrara white marble they were sculpted in the early nineteenth century by the Roman studio of Orazio Andreoni.
Here are some pictures- I figured it'd make a change blogging pictures of myself naked:
Aren't they fabulous?!
Just before I left a great big heron came along and sat on one of the ladies heads. Not being Heather Angel or having much more than a cheap click and point camera on me this was the best I could get. I left after being stalked yet again by the deranged squirrels.
It was nice to get some fresh air and I also managed to pick up four books which were on my to read list- two of them for £1.50 each at local charity shop so was very pleased. Also witnessed a drunk demanding beer in the Waitrose Costa. You'd have thought you'd get a better class of person in such a place wouldn't you?!
Am back working tomorrow so shall have a nice early night and be ready for a much needed bonking! Please do not bring your pet squirrel when you visit. I now have a new phobia.
Last weekend I went to the wedding of an old university friend. I was very much looking forward to catching up with the gang and celebrating the last of our little crowd of five to get married. Seeing as two of us are already separated/divorced maybe the circle will start again as we start on the rounds of second weddings! Please note it won't be my turn again for a very long time! Well, at least it gives us all a reason to all catch up....
As well as some of my oldest girlies attending there were a few people I haven't seen for years, a few lads who we knocked around with, the bride's family and people we had met for one reason of other over the years. The difficulties with this as well as other social situations when you do what I do is what to say when you meet someone either for the first time or after a number of years when the inevitable question of 'So, what do you do?' comes up. I think, as a nation we are defined by our career. I know stay at home mums have the same gripe when asked the same question. They feel that people lose interest or are thinking What a shame, she was so clever/bright/ambitious once. But at least being a mum is socially acceptable. Answering 'Well, I'm on the game' isn't really the done thing and I somehow can never get my story straight in my head so usually end up mumbling 'Oh this and that' and changing the subject, which probably makes people think I am either a road sweeper or a drug dealing gun runner.
In situations when I know I wont be seeing the person again I use the line 'Oh I'm a dreadfully dull accountant' because people never ask much more. However seeing as both the happy couple are (very interesting and fun) accountants and graduated in accountancy the place was wall to wall full of accountants and my usual get out would probably land me in a sticky conversation about spreadsheets or P&L or something accountant-y. Apart from the fact anyone who knew me at uni would know full well that I cry when faced with lists of numbers and that I may have offered blow jobs and/or vodka in return for help with the odd bits of accountancy and economics I had to do on my hotel management course. It was never going to wash...
Then I discovered the bride had blabbed to some of the lads about my career choice, which I kind of expected she might have so I was a bit nervous how they would react to me ( or worse, their mumsy looking wives) . At least it meant they were less likely to ask me what I was doing these days- or at least not til after copious glasses of wine, in which case I would be better equipped to deal with the answer.
My first trial was with the bride's mother who certainly did not know about my job who after hugs (I'd not seen her in about 15 years) and pleasantries were swapped about our health and the weather she introduced me to her niece and said 'So, are you still in hotels? The intake of breathe from bride and another friend present was almost audible and in my head I was saying 'Oh yes, but only in bedrooms and by the hour'. I managed not to and said 'Oh no, not done that for years!' made my excuses about needing to get changed and ran away.
There was some ribbing later from the lads, but very gently and by that time I was pissed enough to shut them up with 'Well I bet my hourly rate is better than most people here!' (very crass I know, but that's what a free bar does to me). They didn't treat me any differently and the general consensus was I may as well be paid for something I used to distribute quite freely after the Friday night bop back in 1995.
However, I did tell someone (who I apparently met about 5 years ago) that I was an ejaculation facilitator and when they looked confused I leaned forward rather wobbly and whispered (loudly) 'That means I suck cock!' I don't think he believed me though and I sashayed off before he could ask any more.
So, it was all OK. My friends are a liberal crowd and they know me well enough to know I'm smart, safe, savvy, naturally slutty and well suited to the job. It does mean I have become a great source of anecdotes and well, a bit of a show and tell specimen. People are actually really fascinated rather than horrified by my work and I suppose because I'm not a boob tube, micro mini, thigh high boot wearing slut fest (in public at least!) and I am clearly not drug addled or repressed and exploited people do see a different side of prostitution. And despite having to answer the same questions every time* I do kind of enjoy educating people about what it's really like and well, I do quite like to be the centre of attention!
In fact I think my friends invite me to coffee mornings/to pick their kids up from school just so they can introduce their rather exciting whore friend who will keep the conversation away from nappies, the school run and tedious child based talk in general. I often hear things like 'I was telling my friend from yoga/the PTA/Brownies/whose daughter in little Johnnie's class about you and she wants to meet you Oh and she asked me to ask you X,Y,Z.'
So despite that I always worry about being a social leper I haven't ever really encountered any nasty or horrible reactions from people. The worst it gets is a concern for my safety (which is kind) and comments about how they could never do it, the overwhelming reaction is 'Good on you!'
I do however think there is a generation gap, I suspect my parent's generation would be a little more horrified and I would never embarrass someones mum or granny!
*The questions. my answer in brackets
1. But isn't it illegal? (no. Followed by explanation of UK laws and a rant about how stupid and archaic they are)
2. Eww, but don't you have to shag dirty smelly old men? (Nope, I stick those ones in the shower with dettol and I like old men anyway)
3. Wow! I bet you earn a fortune, what's your hourly rate? (Um no and didn't your mother teach you it's rude to ask what someone earns?)
4. Have you shagged anyone famous? (That would be telling! accompanied by mysterious smirk.
This will probably get me in trouble with the Olympic people who are trying so hard to preserve their brand. Of course I am deluded that anyone of import reads this blog!
Here goes- Went to see the Olympic Torch thing going through Hounslow today. It was hot, very hot, my toes got burned. It was crowded and some kid in a pushchair kept kicking me. To try and get me in the spirit I procured a balloon by pretending I had a child (they were only giving them out to kids). Waited for damn torch in the blistering heat, being kicked by child and imagining what my mythical child would be like. The mythical child that was at home with tonsillitis (I felt had to explain lack of child with me when procuring balloon). Mythical child has clearly inherited the bad tonsil gene which I then thought was a bit unfair. I suffered with mine for years and had to wait until the grand old age of 36 to have them taken out, after each infection getting gradually worse until they started to nearly kill me and a kind doctor had to fight with local hospital trust for them to agree to have have them removed. Anyway, I digress...
Finally something occurred, there was a man on a unicycle, two men playing some sort of Indian drums. there were lots of policemen, police cars and police motorbikes, people giving out blow up sticks, they might have been vaguely torch shaped, but I didn't get one because I am not a child. Mythical child would have got one I am sure, with her winsome smile, pretty blue eyes and long blonde hair.
Then a giant lorry with Coca-Cola appeared with dancing girls, then a Sumsung one with more dancing girls who has glittery cheerleader pom poms. Then another lorry with Lloyds TSB splashed all over it and more lithe youths jigging about. It all felt a bit corporate to be honest. The Lloyds girls were dishing out sticks with green ribbons attached. I didn't get one of them either.
Finally the torch appeared. I couldn't really see it because there were loads of people and I had been edged out of my spot by the pushchair and I was almost dying of heat exhaustion. It was quite nice in a way, the lad carrying it looked so happy and thrilled and people were ridiculously over excited and enthused. Probably because they were non mythical children with a selection of balloons, whistles, blow up things and ribbons.
Anyway, the best bit was the mascot. He is a photo:
You know how everyone went on about the Olympic 2012 logo looking like Lisa Simpson giving a blow job (its all I can see when I see it now) well don't you think this cute and cuddly mascot looks like a penis?
Mythical child is now disturbed.
Me in my slaaaaag poncho! yes, I know I'm hot! ;)
Had a fabulous weekend, hence no updates, well that and the fact I was laptopless (which isn't the same as being topless!). Laptop is now working again and I have had a rest after my weekend and raring to go again!
Had a night out with a couple of girlfriends on Saturday, starting with a yummy Thai meal. I don't usually eat Thai, but I was outvoted and it was actually pretty good. We visiting a few local pubs and flirted with strange men. Well I did, the other two just rolled their eyes at me and said you're not on duty now, you don't have to be nice to old men which I thought was a bit mean. I like men and these were quite sweet and harmless.
Anyway we were invited deep sea fishing by one chap, which was an offer we all sadly turned down. We saw a man with a mullet, which I am not sure if was worn in bad taste or in irony. Maybe it was for a bet. We discussed politics. My favourite quote of the night was my sister in law announcing that 'saying you're a Tory these days is a bit like publicly admitting you have genital warts' which amused us greatly.
We ended up paying a tenner to get in to some crappy pub (I shall not name it) on the basis it had a dance floor and was open until 1am. It was meant to be a fiver each but I knocked the bouncer down to £10 for the three of us. The floor was sticky, I mean really sticky, if you stood still for more than two minutes it took another ten minutes to unstick yourself. The bar was out of gin and out of lemon slices and ludicrously expensive- in a rip off way not in a we are in a classy place way. We had a good dance though (we had to to stop ourselves becoming adhered to the floor) and swatted off the many predatory males circling the dance floor. I did have a snog with a nice young Nigerian man who danced with me though. I thought as non married person I should demonstrate the advantages of not having a husband and that even at my ripe old age I can still pull in grotty pubs!
After closing we went on a mission to find somewhere else to go, but failed. I had to point out this was Hounslow and there were not any secret late night venues to be found! There was an incident with parking cones on head (theirs not mine) and the humping of a cycle rack (again not me, this is what happens when you buy married mothers doubles all night) and somehow we ended up back at mine. Was great fun and a giggle and we all felt a tiny bit iffy the next day. However we had a mission and had to get into gear for some festival going. We stopped at Tesco on the way and saw Dirty Den which excited us a lot, I had to stop friend from following him around though. Us London people are too cool to notice famous people I told her.
We eventually got to Kent about 3pm where by now it was drizzing and cold and I had to change out of my very short shorts into jeans and put my cardi on :(
Got drenched when we first arrived but we had some awesome ponchos (Danish ones called Regnslag, which caused much hilarity and we sat about saying slaaaaag a lot). OK we looked like idiots in ponchos but we stayed dry-ish. The sun did come out and we saw some awesome music including Kool and The Gang who we were a bit cynical about, but who ended up being brilliant fun and kinda sexy. It was pointed out after Nigerian the night before I must be going through a black man phase...
We also saw Psychedelic Furs, The Levellers, Richard Ashcroft who was mighty brilliant and still had that bolshy northern swagger going on and Suede who we all adore and who played brilliantly. The atmosphere was lovely all day, a very laid back friendly festival and would definitely go again. Here are some nice pictures!
I spend way too much time on the internet. There is just so much stuff to look at as well as doing routine admin type stuff related to my work. However sometimes somethings really make me laugh. This site is one of my current favourites- http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/
Go on read it, its silly and funny.
In other news, the weather has warmed up, but it's gone all sticky humid warm not nice sunshiney warm. This is worse than rain.
This Sunday I am off to a festival. Lets hope it stays dry and not too muggy. We're only going for the day, I have never been the festival camping type and I have an aversion to portaloos and I like actual beds and a supply of electric when I go away somewhere. All I need to do is decide what to pack. The way things have been I will be taking a brolly and suntan lotion and probably several bits of clothes in case its hot/gets cold in the evening/rains/I spill something on me. Oh and sturdy boots, pretty shoes and flat shoes for when pretty shoes start to hurt. I fear I may need a big backpack to put all this stuff in...
Sometimes, you know, I do normal things! Sunday was a sex free, but very fun day. I met a friend and her gorgeous 10 month old baby for lunch which was lovely. He was very very lovely, made me broody for about ten minutes and then I remembered that however cute a baby is they all still do that needing looking after all the time thing and i wouldn't be very good at that. however it's nice to see my friends kids because as cute as they are I do get to hand them back.
I then went into town to meet a new friend, a colleague in this industry! She's a young and pretty and fairly new to all this, but she seems to have her head screwed on and is enjoying it. We went for drinks in central London and wandered about Soho looking for walk up parlours. This is a useful blog entry if you want to know more about the Soho sex scene. We were looking only because we have read about such places and never seen them, her because she is new to London and we because despite all my years in London and many nights out in Soho I have been oblivious! We did spot a few doors, open with handwritten signs on the wall saying 'Models' and a flight of stairs leading up to the flats where the girls work.
It would have been fascinating to go and have a look, but really not the done thing so we carried on to find nice pubs instead!
Before I met my new friend I had some time to kill and found myself in Green Park, It was lovely, still so mild for November, sunny, crisp and the autumn colours looked fantastic. Autumn I think is my favourite season. There were lots of men in uniform (they mainly seemed to be naval) looking very gallant and sexy. Of course this was due to various Remembrance Day services, I don't think Green Park is usually chock full of sailors!
I took a few snaps, I'll share one below because you don't always need to see a picture of me in my scanties do you?!
Sat on a bench people watching and reading my book and enjoying the late afternoon sun. Felt both peaceful and mildly sad that there were so many couples looking all loved up and cosy together. This life I choose doesn't make for romance and someone to kick leaves with on a Sunday afternoon would have been quite nice. :(
Anyway, enough wallowing! Time for a shower and to get my warpaint on!