delve a little deeper....
It's been a while since I have blogged and a while since I really talked about my services and what I do as an escort. I winder if sometimes this blog loses it's way a bit as a marketing tool, or letting potential clients actually find out what I am about and the kind of things I offer as an escort.
I am ditheirng with starting another blog to cover the sex work activism, political stuff and general rantings. Not sure yet, so if you have any thoughts feel free to share them.
For now here's a link to the blogs and pages regarding my services for those who are new to this blog, or are browsing the interwebs for a nice escort...
Roleplay- I love roleplay. I have had some wonderful clients who enjoy this both as a regular thing and one off bookings. I wrote a blog about Roleplay (link) a couple of years ago so I think it's worth linking again in case you were looking for inspiration and if you have found me after Googling 'Roleplay Escort' (I know from my stats that this is fairly common!)
Anal Play- Anal play is a bit like Marmite in my experience! Men seem to either love it or hate it or at least hate the idea of it! THIS is one of my most read pages so I know plenty of chaps are intrigued if anything! There's nothing more satisfying than introducing a client to the joys of anal play. It doesn't have to include actual penetration, often a little teasing is enough to add an extra thrill to a session! I wrote about anal play and fisting HERE if you want to know more!
Female Ejaculation- Often known as squirting or gushing. There is still much debate about this, but I can assure you it is real and not just clever porn or indeed women weeing! I'm not the most prolific squirter but I can do it with the right stimulation and have definitely experienced a few of other women who have soaked me with their juices! THIS is a long piece with a bit of science and history as well as my very own personal journey.
Still not convinced?- Well why not read THIS- It's a guide for men (and women) who might not have taken the plunge to make a booking or are unsure of the protocols of booking an escort.
So there you go- if there is anything you'd like clarifying about sex, my services of have any questions please feel free comment here or drop me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Suggestions for blog posts are always welcome to!
There is some irony that having published a guest blog earlier today from a lovely client that I then read THIS from The Independent by Mary Honeyball, a Labour MEP for London. Said article informs me that actually, my clients are committing violence against me and she is in favour of the Swedish Model.
Yes the Swedish Model which criminalises clients, but not the sex worker (except she uses the term prostitute, natch) which is well documented as dangerous, ineffective and stupid and of no help to sex workers whether they choose to be in the industry or not.
Soooo much has been written regarding the Swedish Model and attempts by other countries to introduce similar models or the criminalisation of clients including me, but far better by Dr Brooke Magnanti- here, Laura Lee here, here by the International Prostitutes Collective, here by Feminist Ire and here is a paper that explains why The Swedish Model has failed. A small drop in the ocean of blogs, newspaper articles and academic papers on the subject.
I read such articles as the one mentioned in my first paragraph and feel angry, ranty and sad. They make me want to shout, I feel frustration, I feel confused why sex workers are not listened to by these people who think they know better what sex workers want or need to operate safely.
I have said before but I truly believe the anti brigade operate on the basis of personal preferences (I don't want to have sex with strange men so why should anyone else), a sense of do good-ing blindness (Oh lucky middle class me, let me rescue some poor people) and possibly fear (These filthy women lure our husbands into dirty vices). Or is it just terribly trendy to come out as anti prostitution? (ooh brave old me, tackling such a gritty grimy subject, I'm just like Princess Di hugging those AIDS children) or simply misguided all men are bastards feminism?
I don't know.
I wanted to tackle what Mary Honeyball has said, but it's been said, over and over and over. Crap stats and skewed studies have been discredited, heck Melissa Farley for starters? Joan Smith, who is referenced in the Honeyball piece was laughed at collectively for her little jaunt to Sweden to sit in cop cars as 'research', but forgot to speak to any actual sex workers... then we get ridiculous TV shows where Jodie Marsh is considered a good idea and "hard hitting" expose documentaries about the seedy side of the industry whitewashed as the *entire* sex industry.
Honeyball starts her piece by referring to the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women citing rape, domestic violence and genital mutilation as issues that (rightly) need tackling, then goes on to whine that prostitution isn't considered violence against women and that everyone seems to be mildly amused by it because Russell Brand pays for it! Seriously, you think that?! You don't think there is enough anti sex work propaganda about?! Or maybe, just maybe, many people do actually think that plenty of women do enter prostitution freely, do it happily and not under force or pressure. I do hope Smith reads the comments on her piece which are overwhelmingly negative with regards to her words.
Apart from anything, I don't want want crimes of violence against women shoved to one side and yet another debate on prostitution had. Those who are forced into prostitution are not sex workers, they are as much victims (and survivors) as other women subjected to violence.
Further to that, Honeyball says:
I favour the Swedish Model, a middle way which permits selling sex but criminalises buying it.
Can't you hear the clutching of pearls and smug, holier than thou smile? Aren't I clever, I'm not harming the poor women, just the nice, law abiding clients who pay for their services thus their bills and food on the table and shoes on their children's feet.
Not only has it halved street prostitution...
I think you'll find the advent of the internet did that to the industry from about ooh, what 1999?, Oh yes, by coincidence the year the Swedish Model was introduced. Spooky no?
...but it has also successfully stigmatised using the sex trade...
Ahh yes stigma, we all want more stigma don't we? Why don't we start sending unmarried mothers to the country to be hidden away until their baby is adopted or shall we start putting up signs in pub windows saying 'No Dogs, No Blacks, No Irish' ? or why don't we sack women who work as escorts because they get outed by the press? (oh, that happens still).
Yes stigma, it's what made Britain great.
Finally, just in case anyone hasn't got this point:
THERE ARE ALREADY LAWS IN PLACE WHICH COVER THE RAPE, ATTACK, ROBBERY, COERCION OF MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN. WE DON'T NEED SPECIAL ONES FOR SEX WORKERS THAT STOP US DOING OUR JOBS!
I am happy to present my second guest post. The first one one is here.
Thank you so much Mr X (not his real name!), it is much appreciated.
Like the previous guest writer, I’m aware that my experience cannot speak for everyone, so it’s just my side of the story. But I think there is a whole side of the story when it comes to this business that is never discussed. A happy and safe side that can be a hugely rewarding experience, and not just because I’m getting my end away.
I am single -- which perhaps makes this a particular viewpoint. I never had to worry about a partner discovering, which ensures I can relax completely without this being a worry. That, however, is in large part due to the regular I see.
I think I’ve been lucky, but not through blind luck. It took me a long time to take the plunge to see a sex worker. When I did, it was because of things she’d written, not because of a list of outrageous promised services or a set of porny pictures. Over time, I became a regular client, and we seem to get on well -- which is important to me.
That last point might sound ridiculous. After all, I’m paying for this, right? What need is there to hit it off? And surely I’m deluding myself: she’s in it for the money.
That doesn’t have to be true. Yes, cash changes hands and that is in exchange for sex, and without it, nothing doing. But when you spend a couple of hours with someone regularly and get to know them (and I’m not really one for seeing a host of different women) there’s other things that are important too. We spend a good deal of time drinking tea, smoking and chatting. And that is just as enjoyable.
And it has allowed me to explore a few things I’d always wanted to -- but never quite dared bring up with partners. To be able to do that without being judged, without a post-mortem is quite remarkably liberating.
At the same time, it is entirely consensual. We already have legislation that covers the things that happen in this industry that isn’t. I’m sure the overwhelming majority of men would never want to be with someone who actually didn’t want to be doing this.
And over time, it’s possible to discover that the getting on well isn’t faked, that actually you *are* friends within the boundaries of client and provider. It’s as far as possible from the ugly stereotypes put out there in the media. There can be an awful lot of two-way respect going on. And a good deal of warmth, laughter and fun.
Oh, and the sex is fucking spectacular.
Earlier this week I hit upon the idea to ask a couple of people I like and respect to write me a guest blog post. I know that makes me sounds terribly important, or maybe even lazy, but I thought it would make a nice change to have a different 'voice' on this blog, new perspectives on the sex industry and also, I have writers block!
Mr B kindly sent me this this afternoon and I am most pleased- it's always good to hear from the the other side of the fence and, if I'm going to be a bit political, it goes towards demonstrating that the clients of sex workers are not evil, woman hating men.
So thank you Mr B, I really appreciate it! Here goes...
Ten things I've learned as a punter
When Lydia suggested I write a guest blog from the client’s perspective I was torn between two conflicting ideas. Firstly, that I couldn’t possibly represent the views of all punters, which deterred me and, secondly, that I wasn’t aware that it had been done before. The second idea gradually grew on me, so here it is: a list of ten things I’ve learned in the last couple of years – it may be helpful to others, but in the end it’s only my experience.