delve a little deeper....
This month I spent some time ranting about The All Party Parliamentary Group on Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade (APPG) are launching an inquiry to assess the current UK legal settlement surrounding prostitution. They wish to identify how legislation to tackle demand could safeguard those in danger of sexual exploitation and abuse. I wrote about the issues that concerned me regarding the APPG in this blog and urged people to respond to the questionnaire. In fact I was so determined to get people to take note and respond I blogged a helpful breakdown of the questions, along with my answers.
Incidentally, the responses for this survey are due to be released in January 2014, so that'll be interesting.... watch this space.
I also had a photoshoot in January. Here is one of the photos:
Consisted of me both plugging my March tour to Reading and trying to convince people to romance me on Valentines day. Both failed miserably :(
I also wrote my first blog on my struggle with feminism and how I found it hard to relate to. As someone who of course believes in the equal rights of women, I found it hard to discover that many other women only want equal rights for a certain sort of women (ie. Not sex workers, the working class or anyone who they disapprove of) and that radical feminism has hateful views on sex work, transgender issues and all men.
The Easter Bunny with One Ear was one of my favourite stories I shared with you this year! The saga rumbled on into May too where I wrote about it again. I never did get a refund!
Other than being the oldest bunny in town I wrote a lot in March! Joan Smith pissed me off, I worried about Talking Dirty and I got pissed off again, this time with Melissa Farley and was inspired to write Why I made The Choice to become a prostitute by Brooke Magnanti who had written about Farley.
With April's showers came a long piece on porn, this took for-fucking-ever to write so you can read it again- it's a bit about the history of porn and inspired by me getting fed up with men who learn about sex from porn and therefore don't know how to do it properly!
I also dabbled in satire after Samantha Brick annoyed the entire nation yet again by announcing she was so beautiful other women hated her...
Finally, probably one of the hardest stories to write, but also one I am proud of being allowed to tell. It also highlighted the appalling rape conviction statistics and the Merseyside model in relation to Police attitudes to sex workers.
The Minxipedia was born!
AND I started a Twitter Storm!
Go May !
Oh, and then I got all angsty about feminism again!
Another tough blog- I wrote, for the first time about when I was outed at work. A hard one to write but something that a lot of people wrote to me and tweeted about which was lovely.
However, I also got slagged off by Mumsnet (I'm sure I need a T shirt for that) and in terrific news there was Victory for Scottish Sex Workers.
Part Two coming up tomorrow!
I know I have been rubbish lately at blogging, but I have a couple in the pipeline as well as awaiting on guest blogs from a few people who have kindly agreed to contribute to the Minxipedia! (Hint hint, hurry up!)
In other news, I have started a Swedish Massage course organised by Hands On Pro!, a professional development and skill sharing project devised by the Sex Worker Open University and X:Talk, two sex workers’ cooperatives based in London.
They are also hosting breakfast before the classes on Wednesday mornings so if you are a sex worker and even if you don't fancy the classes you can still come along to meet other sex workers.
Trust me, it's really friendly and welcoming and there are people from all over, in a variety of sex work fields. I was really nervous when I went, but it is genuinely lovely and it's a great feeling being able to discuss work stuff with like minded people. Also, fascinating to hear what other people get up to and get ideas and advice. The link is here along with their contact details if you'd like to attend.
Of course being taught a bit more about massage means I will be hoping some of my clients would like to be practised on! I'm no expert yet, but a nice oily massage is always a good way to get things started! :)
Am working right up to Christmas this year, but am away for a bit over the period, but probably back in London for the New Year. Do get booking for your pre Christmas present to yourself!
Earlier this week I hit upon the idea to ask a couple of people I like and respect to write me a guest blog post. I know that makes me sounds terribly important, or maybe even lazy, but I thought it would make a nice change to have a different 'voice' on this blog, new perspectives on the sex industry and also, I have writers block!
Mr B kindly sent me this this afternoon and I am most pleased- it's always good to hear from the the other side of the fence and, if I'm going to be a bit political, it goes towards demonstrating that the clients of sex workers are not evil, woman hating men.
So thank you Mr B, I really appreciate it! Here goes...
Ten things I've learned as a punter
When Lydia suggested I write a guest blog from the client’s perspective I was torn between two conflicting ideas. Firstly, that I couldn’t possibly represent the views of all punters, which deterred me and, secondly, that I wasn’t aware that it had been done before. The second idea gradually grew on me, so here it is: a list of ten things I’ve learned in the last couple of years – it may be helpful to others, but in the end it’s only my experience.
I discovered the other week that I had received traffic to my website via Mumsnet. I had a look on their and did a search but could not find any link to me or this website at all. I thought it was probably something to do with this post which was my response to the Invisible Men Tumblr as I had quoted some thoughts from mumsnetters and linked to their thread about it.
Anyway, I found I had a few more hits whilst looking at my Google Analytics page today so thought I would investigate further and (after some faffing!) found that I was indeed linked on the Mumsnet thread. However, it appears whoever linked me had their post removed and possibly some comments were also removed as there was a swathe of deleted posts just before someone does mention my blog and then towards the end of the thread I am mentioned by name.
I am not inclined to join Mumsnet to give my own response so here is an letter to them. If anyone who is a member does want to link it or cut and paste it to the thread I don't mind.
I have no idea if whoever linked my blog piece on the website The Invisible Men did it because they found it a useful addition to the debate or if they wanted an excuse to be further outraged by it. Interestingly the post that linked it is not there anymore and of course I have no idea why.
I would like to clarify a couple of points.
1) I wrote the blog in an attempt to show that one needs to look further than a few lines of prose to get the whole picture. I also wanted to give my own personal view on reviews.
2) I have never thought that ALL sex work comes from a good place. I am aware my experiences in sex work are largely very positive, but I know not everyone's are. I am as appalled as any human is by abuse and suffering. I am not in denial that everything for all sex workers is hunky dory. Equally, I know not all clients are a respectful as mine.
One of the things that most annoys me is the RAGE against prostitution and the men who pay for sex from people with NO IDEA and those using flawed statistics and parroting from the anti prostitution lobby.
I don't expect everyone to share my opinions, and I can quite easily see why it would be hard for some women to comprehend how I do my job. However, my opinions made from my experiences in the industry and very valid and very real.
I could have joined mumsnet to defend myself, but I am not a mother and I don't feel it's my arena to join. Based on the comments directed at those who are clearly opposed to all forms of prostitution and the insults directed at those who have tried to put across their views there would be no point. These people have made their minds up and nothing I would say would make any difference. Besides I have better things to do with my time!
A new link to my original post has now been put up since I started writing this blog and someone is obviously 'spying' on me because I have been accused of lurking and a link to my twitter feed has been added.
In response to some of the things said about me:
Now she's lurking and insulting people publicly. Really vile. It's unbelievable someone can think like that.
I have a commercial interest in finding out where my website hits are coming from and I was of course intrigued why I was appearing on Mumsnet. Hardly my target audience. Also, who have I insulted? OK on Twitter I said: And no wonder men pay for sex if they are married to moralistic, sex is yucky, narrow minded old bags!
OK, a bit unfair I admit, but yeah, men do pay for sex when they are in a relationship with women who don't give their partners affection, kindness and time. Yes, and sex too, but it might surprise many people that it's not all about sex.
Other than that I have not insulted anyone personally (unlike a couple of Mumsnetters!) or any more than that one tweet shown above.
It's interesting that whenever pro-pimp/punter apologists post something they think exculpates them, they simply demonstrate their revolting beliefs and lack of intelligent thought. They make the case against themselves better than anyone else.
Seriously? My beliefs are revolting? Which ones exactly? Lack of intelligent thought? OK, fine you think that without knowing anything about me! So it's OK for you to insult me but not me you?!
Apparently we are just bitter, ugly and no good in bed. She'll be claiming our husbands all wish they could pay for her services next.
Again, you have no grounds for this accusation. I have never said that. Lying is a particularly unattractive trait sweetie.
It would be of course very easy to insult those who don't agree with me, I could easily say "Ha ha, some of your husbands pay for sex!", but I won't.
I know many many husbands pay for sex and statistically some of those on that thread do have partners who cheat or see escorts. I don't actually condone cheating myself and I think it's a shame so many people are in long term relationships that aren't open and honest enough for intimate issues to be discussed. I don't laugh or sneer at the wives whose husbands I see. I don't feel anything. It's not my place to judge someone else's relationship.
Let me summarise again the point I was trying to make regarding the Invisible Men tumblr. I'll try and be clear so the hard of thinking can comprehend:
Ultimately, many women enjoy sex work. I am not rude about monogamous, sex free relationships so why should anyone feel they can be judgmental about my choices?
I also do not feel I can discuss a job that I have never worked in and pretend that I know just what it is like and how someone doing it must feel. Therefore kindly fuck off with your half baked, inaccurate, mythical fairy tales borne out of your own insecurity and sexual suppression.
Things I am happy about today:
Happy Thursday all!
I followed someone new on Twitter on Friday night. She was a follower of a follower, I was just being friendly. Didn't think any more of it.
Then on Saturday morning she tweeted me to say: I would prefer that you don't follow me please. Some of your photos are totally inappropriate.
Oh. Oops. I know some people don't wish to follow me because they don't want questions raised over why they are following an escort. I get that for some chaps there may be an uncomfortable line of questioning from their partner even if they are not actually a client or have no intention of booking a sex worker. I don't *just* tweet about work or pictures of my tits! Some people follow me for other reasons.
Anyway. I assume if I have followed someone who is appalled to have me following them they just quietly ignore me and don't follow back or just block me. I have friends who I have discussed twitter with and they don't follow me because they don't want to see/hear about some of the more naughty side of my life. That's fine, in the conventional world it's not usual to see your friends tits or hear about her kinky habits. It's fine. and besides my actual real life friends and I stay in touch by other methods and it helps not blurring lines between the side of me that isn't Minxy.
I was however, a bit more offended by this woman's next comment: I also understand that you are an escort- really not what I was to have following me.
I'm a what? not a who? I'm an inanimate object? A disgusting concept? Snotty cow! Now trust me, I came up with all sorts of scathing comments to retaliate with but decided I would leave it and simply retweet her second comment.
I guess I thought a couple of followers might comment to me about how rude she was or maybe some of my non whoreish followers would learn that as lovely as they think I am, others do not think the same and that some people forget we sex workers are actually real rounded people. So, I retweeted, went for breakfast and I didn't think any more of it.
However, a couple of people did pick up on it, mainly Violet Rose, a lovely escort based in Scotland. She questioned both the tweets and then Dr Brooke Magnanti waded in with;
'Let's all follow her! All of my photos are appropriate.'
Lots of people took notice then!
I was truly amazed, amused and genuinely touched so many people were sticking up for me! It didn't help that my cross non follower decided to retaliate by telling my sex worker chums and allies (including Dr Magnanti!) to get a proper job! She said:
If any escorts follow me, I will block them. Try to get a better life. Try working hard.”
By now tweets were popping up all over the place from all over the world saying they would follow her and being angry that she seemed to think that we were all lazy and that we should try working in the City to see what hard work really was. One of my favourite tweets was from @fornicatrix who said:
Trust me, I did some serious work with city traders last couple weeks. About 15 of them actually. It's pretty hard work.
Hee hee! Several people questioned how being a city worker could possibly be considered better than sex work, @bustysarita said:
Love the notion that working in the city is somehow a more 'noble' way to earn money than our profession.
So, I expect she spent the afternoon blocking a huge number of sex workers and not only that but anyone else who followed her, assuming they were sex workers. I would love to know how many people she had to block!
Later on in the afternoon my train family (I have a huge number of followers who work in the rail industry and no it's not because train drivers are more inclined to see escorts!) jumped on board (ha, see what I did there?) and started to critisise her actions and question whether their jobs were worthy enough to be followed too! It was a lovely show of solidarity from them who have no agenda or connection to sex work, just that they are sweet decent people who do not like to see prejudice and rudeness.
I didn't approve of some of the tweets that were a bit mean and personal towards her, but I felt warmed that so many people responded and it felt like I was part of a big gang who had my back. Working alone often means you miss out on the same camaraderie that you get in a conventional workplace.
I was sad to be reminded that there are plenty of people out there who do not like me on the basis of what I do for a living. One gets used to reading the bile of the feminist anti prostitution movement and whilst they make me angry, I sort of accept their existence and accept that *some* of the things they say about the nasty side of the industry are true.
It's quite odd to be reminded that I am hated and judged purely on what I do for a living. As a white, middle class Brit whose sexuality is generally judged as straight I am in a position of privilege for the most and have never really been discriminated against. Even as a woman I have worked in industries that aren't sexist and being female has never been a barrier for me so I guess I had a small taste of what other people receive every day of their lives. Gosh. It was quite thought provoking.
Anyway, the lovely Violet Rose blogged about this too and she also explains whorephobia much better than I could so do have a read! This is the the link. Do also read this article Violet links to at the bottom of her blog post here.
As you may be aware I had Bibi staying with me last weekend and has written up a rather fabulous booking we did together.
It is here and I suggest you read because it saves me from writing anything for your amusement today! (hee hee!) and it really explains our naughty good cop/bad cop session rather well!
Before you ask, Bibi is based in Leeds so duos are not easily arranged on a whim! We are however quite happy to be flown in your private jet to a mutually convenient location! :)
Whilst Bibi was here I did some photographs for her. I'm rather pleased how they worked out and it gave me a chance to experiment with my lovely phone camera.
Here are a few of my favourite shots! I figured you're all bored of my tits now so take a look at Bibi's and admire my photography skills. Maybe I should think about lending myself out for photo shoots for naughty ladies!
Anbd if you've not read Bibi's blog about our duo session here it is again!
I've been a bad girl again and not been blogging. *bends over for a smacked bottom*
It seems I get phases of rampant blogging and then periods of writers block. I say writers block, that makes me sound more of a 'writer' than I actually am! I suppose it's mainly because I don't know what to blog about sometimes and getting into a habit of not doing it rather than doing it!
So, what is new? Well, last week I had a couple of days on the coast which was fun. This week I haven't done much other than work and sit about being rubbish. I should have been researching and compiling intelligent and exciting blogs for you to read I suppose.
I do have a nice photo for you though from the seaside:
Pretty huh? Probably not quite the kind of picture you were hoping for dear reader, but as well as not writing anything much I haven't taken any saucy photos either. Must get back on track!
Oh, was thinking about Christmas, am a bit unsure what I am actually doing over the Christmas period and found myself wondering would there be any worth in working Christmas day? Would I get booked, is it worth promoting? Thoughts on a postcard.
The eagle eyed among you may notice I now have a copyright symbol at the very bottom if the page. I never really thought about it before but this afternoon I have been doing some research, more on why in a minute. Copyright applies to work that is recorded in some way; rights exist in items such as literary, artistic, musical and dramatic work as well as films and sound recordings. Websites are included in this.
Basically copyright gives the creators of certain kinds of material rights to control ways
their material can be used. These rights start as soon as the material is recorded in writing or in any other way. So, when I write a blog, write a paragraph for my site or post a photograph it is automatically 'mine' and cannot be reproduced without my express permission. It is recommended that to protect your work further, deter people from copying and support any claim you may have to make should someone copy your work you can display a notice that shows you have an awareness of copyright and take infringements seriously. Hence the little Copyright ©2011-2012 Minxylydia at the bottom of each page. I am also allowed to use the pseudonym MinxyLydia because there is plenty of recorded evidence to support that is is me and of course protects my anonymity.
Anyway, I shall not bore your further on this or explain intellectual property (I have links to a couple of websites at the bottom of this page if you're really interested) but tell you a little story. This afternoon I was going through my site referrer lists to see where my web hits had come from and one was an escort website so I went to look at it thinking she might have blogged about me or mentioned me. But on no! What I found were several paragraphs directly copied from this very website. basically the entire second paragraph of THIS page and ALL of THIS page up to the My likes bit. Pretty much word for word- she has fake tits so the bit about mine being natural was removed. Hell there is even weird spacing where it had been deleted from a cut and paste job.
I was not impressed. At all.
It takes ages to write stuff like that. It's me, it's what I genuinely believe about myself and what I do. It offends me someone is too lazy to write their own stuff. She isn't even anything like me. Older, skinnier (not in a good way), fake tits, in another part of the country and with a totally different style, I discovered this when I found her adultwork page. Anyway, I decided to write her a nice email. Here it is:
It has come to my attention that there are large chunks of text I have written on your website www.insertsite.com I have emailed you here via adultwork because there is not an email address on your site.
I appreciate that it is sometimes tricky to write website information, but I had to spend a lot of time doing it myself so it upsets me that someone has blatantly plagarised my words. Of course I am mildly flattered you think my words are good enough to copy. You are geographically and physically very different from me so I do not see you as any sort of competition. However, copying my words is unfair and lazy and I would like you do remove what you have stolen.
I would like to point you in the direction of this website- http://www.copyrightservice.co.uk/copyright/intellectual_property which highlights the law regarding copyright.
My website is my intellectual property and you have breached copyright laws. Copyright protection is automatic under international law despite the fact I do not mention copyright on my website. I shall be changing this shortly to make it clear that I will not tolerate theft of my work. You even have the audacity to state on your homepage- "No information on this website may be reproduced or disseminated in any way without written permission from the owners of this website".
I have also found your IP address and who hosts your website. Reading their terms of service it is clear that your infringement of my copyright can result in them removing your content without refund.
I am giving you five days to remove my text from your website or else I shall be forced to contact your website host.
The sad thing is if you had contacted me asking for advice I would have happily helped you out. I do think in this game we have to look out for and look after each other. I work bloody hard on my website and other web content and it offends me when someone copies it.
I think that made the point I wanted to make. I have removed her name and website because despite the fact I was pissed off I really only wanted her to remove it and not scare her or mess about with her reputation or business.
Anyway, she replied saying someone else does her website, she was apologetic, that she had no idea he had stolen my words. She promised to get it removed. We actually ended up swapping a couple of emails because she was nice about it and I was astounded at how much she gets charged to have her website built and managed. I mean she was paying well over a grand a year more than I spend doing it myself so I sort of felt I had to direct her towards a couple of websites and to www.saafe.info which has invaluable information on such things for escorts.
OK, there is a cynical part of me that thinks maybe nothing will happen and her being nice to me was a ruse to make me go away and forget about it. We shall see.
I am am now going to google sections of my website and see where the hell else it appears!
Yay to England! I will have to come up with something pretty to post for the game on Sunday now, hmmm, any ideas?
I actually missed most of the game in the end due to slow service at restaurant and the pub we ended up in switching the screen near us to another channel (why?!) and then was on a train. Oh well, shall plan Sunday's movements a bit more carefully.
In unrelated plugging news a friend of mine who is very clever is involved with this-
If you're into audiobooks and have an iphone this will be the site for you. Go have a look and subscribe now! More info here in this Bookseller article. Am very proud of him and this is the result of a lot of hard work.
I had my hair cut yesterday. I hate going to the hairdressers. Most people seem to enjoy it and say how lovely it is to have someone wash their hair. Despite the intimate nature of my chosen career I actually don't particularly like having my head massaged by someone don't know. I hate the water trickling down your neck in those backwards sink things, I hate looking at myself in the mirror for extended periods of time and having my hair cut weirdly makes me want to fall asleep, which I know sounds like I'm relaxed but I'm not, I'm bored rigid and its annoying trying to keep awake, that or it makes me twitch and fidget like a small child at the cinema who needs a wee and has worms.
I have found the perfect hairdresser though. He is Polish and grumpy and doesn't speak to me. This is good, I also dislike the chatter some hairdressers do... "been anywhere on your holidays?"... type thing. He has learnt to interpret my 'Oh, just do something with it!' response to what I want doing with my hair. He has learnt not to try and persuade me to have layers which end up growing out messily or giving me a side parting as opposed to my natural straight down the middle one. So many hairdressers seem to think this is a good idea, but trust me my hair (like me) goes where the bloody hell it wants to and will not be coaxed down a path it doesn't want to take. Oh and he is quick too which is good.
I have yet to train him out of filling my hair with products which make me worry if someone lights a cigarette near me I will go up with a big bang!
Gosh, just read that back, it makes me sound really grumpy and unfriendly doesn't it? I'm very nice really. It's just hairdressers I am phobic about. I think it stems from having to have my beautiful long blond hair lopped off as a child (about 7 or 8 I think) when it became so fine, damaged and split as a child. It also went from blonde to brown in this period so I blamed the cruel hacking off of my locks on changing my hair colour too. Probably just a coincidence and I was always destined to get darker over the years. My poor mother was always mortified when we had to go to a hairdresser because I would tut, sigh and fidget all the way through as if the hairdresser was inflicting some great nuisance on me.
I then had a hairdresser who used to come to my parents's house. She was great tolerated my crazy hair style and colour whims as a teenager, was very good and very quick and I could wash my own hair for her arrival so didn't have to deal with the hair rubbing thing. I used to book her when I visited my parents years after I left home. When she retired (to live a life of luxury, not because she was elderly) I was gutted and had to find a proper hairdresser in London. As I was now in a proper grown up job I had a responsibility to look half decent and not get away with a stupidly long fringe and wonky ends where I had slashed away with a pair of scissors myself. Nothing good ever comes from cutting your own hair!
I'm not entirely sure how this ended up in a blog about my hair- be thankful I haven't told you the story about when I got nits at 17 or when I decided to go blonde (using a home dye kit) and went orange instead...
Right, I have sat still long enough (waiting for floors to dry after washing them) so shall tootle on with my chores.