delve a little deeper....
Bubbles and boobs.
Think it's time for something a bit more lighthearted today seeing as it's a Friday. Because I am writing something bigger in my head (I really should learn to make notes so I don't forget it) you're only getting a list today.
Minor things that irritate escorts (in no particular order)
1. Getting showered change and beautified and 10 minutes away from client arriving and needing a pooh.
2. Having 3,618 stockings/holdups and NONE of them match.
3. Clients who use talcum powder on their bits and expect them licking *sneeze*
4. Clients who use my cucumber make up remover wipes in bathroom to wash cock. It smells like a cucumber, but boy, it doesn't look like one.
5. Being nearly made to come, but then stop at crucial point. If real life boyfriend would be able to shout 'DON'T FUCKING STOP!' Seems rude to be demanding of client.
6. Deciding if to eat before booking or after. No fun being full if have to bounce around but rumbling tummy not sexy.
7. Feeling conscious if cashier in bank is going to ask where you got all this money from.
8. Wearing whore clothes when the neighbour/postman/delivery calls.
9. Not knowing if men want to date you or get a free shag out of you.
10. Men who spunk all over fresh duvet cover/pillow/throw.
10a. Men who spunk up the bedroom wall!
In honour of the Leveson Report being published today I am linking THIS blog post again.
Will be interesting to see the outcome and will anything change? I am cynical of course.
It's a tricky one, one person's idea of news that is in public interest isn't the same as others. It's very easy to say that journalists should remain squeaky clean, no phone hacking, no paying informants to pass them information and so on. Have we not all lapped up salacious scandals of the royals, pop stars and football players? Where is the line drawn between inappropriate journalism and genuine investigative journalism that uncovers corruption and wrong doing by those in power?
Do we need to know if a children's TV presenter who has made his fortune on being a squeaky clean family man has been bonking his best friends wife? Is it fair he might lose his job because his employers don's want to be seen as condoning his behaviour? Is that really newsworthy? Many people would say 'Well, it's his own fault for being a cad!' If the information came to light because his phone was hacked, do the same people cry out 'That's appalling! That's an invasion of privacy!'?
What if illegal practices result in a positive outcome? What if the hacking of Milly Dowler's phone uncovered where she was and found alive? That's probably a bad example, but you see my point.
The Daily Telegraph paid £110,000 to a mole who leaked documents about MP's expenses with regards to second homes. Is this 'good' journalism? That kind of information should be made public to the tax payers surely?
There is of course no justification in journalists hacking the phones of the victims of crime to get an exclusive story. There is no justification in exposing an individual's private life, and certainly not by hacking their phone or computer. Those who say 'Oh celebrities put themselves in the firing line!' should read this, adapted from Hugh Grant's Leveson witness statement.
One thing I did think about regarding The Leveson Enquiry...There is already a code of practice which the Press Complaints Commission produces as a committee of editors from the newspaper and magazine industry.
The Code has two purposes, as a solid set of principles for the press industry to follow and it gives the Commission a clear and consistent framework within which it can address complaints from members of the public. From what I gather it doesn't monitor the press, it only investigates when a complaint has been made.
If you read the code of practice, it's pretty precise and sensible. You only have to read any tabloid on any given day to find a selection of articles that breach these standards. Surely if these guidelines were actually put into practice the media would be a much more moral, fair place?
Having spent the most the weekend tweeting innuendos to a group of train drivers (how did my life end up this weird?) and looking forward to a delicious threesome and then recovering from it I have been reading some serious stuff and getting cross. What better way to deal with that crossness, in the short term anyway than to write.
Hopefully, you will have read my letter to Rhoda Grant last week so you'll have a fair inkling how I feel about my work. She obviously took no bit of notice of me (or anyone else who has written to her regarding her stupid bill). This article is a great example, indeed Anne Brown from Angus Woman's Aid says "Nobody chooses to resort to prostitution. We have never worked with a woman who has seen it as a choice.”
ARRRGHHHH!!!!!! Yes some women are in dire situations, but I am not and nor are many many other women. As I pointed out in my letter, yes there are women who are in horrible situations, so why are the people in power not focusing on them and lumping us all into the same 'poor prossie' bracket?!
I'm not going to sugarcoat everything, being an escort is not all lovely, we do get shitty clients and there are days that you wonder if the phone will ring again and days when you wish that those wanting free dirty texts will leave you alone.
Awful things to happen to escorts, there are women out there who are coerced into this world and some that feel they have no escape. When you hear about a fellow escort getting hurt your nerves go on edge and you wonder if the next client to walk through the door is going to be 'the one', and I don't mean in a stupid romantic sense. Every single escort will have a story of a man who has ripped them off, scared them or just plain creeped them out. I have probably turned down perfectly nice men on the basis my bat sense tingles, but you do have to rely on your instinct and it's better to never know if you were right or wrong about a man than risk finding out yes, you were right.
Despite all that, I do enjoy my job, I have met some fabulous men, I have made good friends with clients, I have been made to feel beautiful and adored. I've had amazing sex and I have given most (I hope) of my clients a great time. I have given men affection they don't usually get, made them laugh, made then feel sexy and wanted. I have given confidence to inexperienced men, fulfilled fantasies and had brilliant interesting conversations. This all makes me feel good.
I don't have a boss, annoying staff or a long commute to work. I can pick my days off and holidays, wake up when I want in the morning, I make my own decisions about my business and don't have to get tangled up in office politics. Of course, I don't get sick pay, or holiday pay and like any self employed person there is always the spectre of doom whispering 'What if you don't make enough money this month?' in your ear.
It's not much fun working in an industry that dare not speak its name. (Is prostitution the new gay?) Your mother is unlikely to be proud of you, you make up shit when you meet new people and you live in dread that your family/friends/boss/landlord (delete as appropriate) might find out what you do. Nearly all working girls have someone they don't want to know about what they do however proud they are of themselves.
There is social stigma and yes it can be dangerous. Changing societies perception of prostitution will take a long long time and I'm not convinced it ever will be totally mainstream. I can just about live with that, although I'd quite like to be able to put 'Self Employed Escort' on my CV one day and not have to make up more bullcrap to fill in the employment gap.
So yeah, there are ups and downs...oh, like most jobs. Some of my bookings I refer to as 'admin jobs'. The man is nice enough, it's all goes well but doesn't set your world on fire. It's like doing the weekly filing. You do it well but you don't have to think very hard and you don't love it or hate it. Some days I don't get any highs or any lows. It's like everyone else pretty much.
What I don't want to and shouldn't have to put up with is other people thinking they need to rescue me. And I don't mean a man on a white horse (although I would consider that option some days!) I mean the annoying 'do gooders' who think think prostitution is only about drug addled victims of abuse or innocent Thai girls conned into thinking they were coming to the UK to work in a restaurant. Yes, these things happen, I'm not disputing that at all, I'm pissed off because there is a thinking that prostitution is a violent crime against women. No, I don't mean when someone actually harms an escort, I mean ALL MEN. FULL STOP. Here's a great example. This blog by Jemima101 talks about a Reclaim The Night march organised by a Rape Crisis Centre. She points out that you'd expect a rape crisis centre to be on 'our' side. Oh no, prostitution gets lumped in with 'violence' that includes rape, sexual assault, pornography, trafficking, domestic abuse and female genital mutilation…
Yesss, those things are pretty, noone wants rape, assault or genital mutilation hanging about, but pornography and prostitution makes their list of things that they want to eliminate. How very open minded and forward thinking.
What actually annoyed me more were some of the comments made in response to the article. Here's one by a woman called Mhairyi who says:
"The ones with choice in the prostitution industry are the men who choose to abuse wo/men for money. That isn’t an acceptable choice. By stating clearly that women are not for sale Rape Crisis are stating unequivocally that you cant buy consent – that coerced consent is no consent at all and that unconsensual sexual activity is sexual abuse regardless of whether money changed hands.
I want to see the day when every wo/man in Scotland who has ever had to accept money in exchange for providing sexual services has the right to take their abuser to court, and for a mass of prosecutions to result."
Right, so that's you reading this, you nice kind sweet men who bring me joy and chocolates (and help pay my bills). According to Mhaoryi you are abusing me and should go to court.
Note, this is in Scotland, but if the law does change is it likely to happen in England too?
Not only if the proposed bill is passed going to effect the escorts working from flats, but will also have a detrimental effect on those who are most vulnerable, the street workers. They too will lose the 'nice' clients and be forced to see men who are dangerous. This article discusses this issue and puts it into real terms based on real women's experiences and opinions.
I just don't understand why the concentration is focused on Stop Prostitution and not on How can we make life safer for prostitutes?
A light hearted look into the types of escorts I have come across since I have been in this murky world.
The High Class Whore
Her profile reads: I am an exclusive, elite courtesan available to meet discerning gentlemen. I am highly educated, speak five languages and am a UN ambassador in my spare time.
What it really means: I like rich old men to buy me presents.
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: Nothing, she doesn’t mix with common prossies.
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: I charge £500 an hour because I only wish to meet discerning gentlemen whose company I will enjoy and who will appreciate my beauty.
What she most likes about the job: Rich old men buying her presents
What she hates about the job: Rich old men.
The Teen Whore
Her profile reads: I’m sooooo wet and horny for you :) I love sex and wanna be your cum bucket!!! J Your gonna be so hot 4me when you see my sexxxxxy schoolie ass! :) :) :)
What it really means: I’m skint and screwed up emotionally.
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: He wants me to pay him £60 in advance and wants to meet me in a deserted car park with 3 of his mates, do you think this is a scam?
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: Fuck off! I work how I want and no one messes with me!
What she most likes about the job: The cash
What she hates about the job: All of it but would never ever admit it.
The Hobby Whore
Her profile reads: I’m a very busy woman who loves sex. I’m young, fit and curvy in all the right places, I don’t show my face for discretionary reasons but everyone says I’m really pretty!
What it really means: I do this to supplement my minimum wage job and to buy pretty shoes, handbags and fake tan. I really don’t take this seriously, but I do think that I’m better than anyone else, especially those poor women who do it for a full time job.
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: I’m really busy and making a fortune!
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: Oh hunni, you’re so right! I agree with everything you say, I love all my clients!
What she most likes about the job: When she gets good sex and doesn’t have to do much.
What she hates about the job: Having to avoid shagging the ugly ones and wanking them hard to make them come some they’ll go away.
The Swinging Whore
Her profile reads: I’m a hot MILF who loves to fuck!
What it really means: Ooh it’s like swinging except with money!
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: My husband is always in the next room for security.
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: I’m an older woman and love doing this; I only do it for pleasure and like to spend time getting to know my clients. The money means nothing to me.
What she most likes about the job: She can do it when she’s in the mood and it’s better than shagging the hubby.
What she hates about the job: When the kids make a noise upstairs when bonking someone on the sofa.
The foreign Whore
Her profile reads: I am thin secy gril who love to meet nice men. I will do anal and without condom for extra £20
What it really means: Someone else has written my profile
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: Saafe? I do not have heard of this.
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: Why would I speak to them men on computor?
What she most likes about the job: Sending money home to her family, getting a client to buy her grandmother a goat.
What she hates about the job: All men.
The Agency Whore
Her profile reads: I’m 21, size 10 with a 36D bust! I love to party!
What it really means: I’m 29, size 14 with a 34C bust. I am a habitual coke user.
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: I can’t post much because I work all night and sleep all day.
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: She doesn’t.
What she most likes about the job: Free wine and hotel rooms
What she hates about the job: Shagging ten men a night.
Her profile reads: I'm a beautiful curvy girl with huge tits and a big bouncy arse!
What it really means: I'm fat
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: I'm a big girl and there are loads of men who book me so it's not all about being young and thin.
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: I'm a big girl and there are loads of men who book me so it's not all about being young and thin.
What she most likes about the job: Feeling smug when thin girls moan they are quiet.
What she hates about the job: The way she justifies to herself that has to stay this big for her business when feeling guilty about eating an entire cheesecake,
The Hardcore Whore
Her profile reads: Who knows, men just book her on the basis of her stunning photographs and array of excellent reviews.
What it really means: I’m fucking good.
What she’s most likely to say on Saafe: It’s all very easy, you need to advertise everywhere, tour your bollocks off, spend 24/7 thinking about business and have no life, but it’s worth it so I can spend the summer in Mauritius.
What she’s most likely to say on a punting forum: I'm booked up for the next 3 years so I really don’t have time to sit around on here.
What she most likes about the job: That’s she’s rich enough to take 6 months a year off and every other working girl is intimidated by her.
What she hates about the job: She can’t remember her real name any more.
Seeing as it's Wednesday and its raining I thought you might like some cleavage shots. Everyone likes a bosomy photo on a Wednesday morning don't they?
Read this today somewhere on the internet (probably Twitter because I have become addicted and even did a happy dance when Caitlin Moran replied to one of my Tweets!)
"I like my coffee like I like my men; first thing in the morning before I'm barely awake"
Amused me, nothing nicer than slow, sleepy, warm cuddly sex and more original line than 'I like my coffee like I like my men; strong and dark'
Although I do quite like 'I like my coffee like I like my men; ground up and kept in the freezer'
So, how else can I compare how I like my men to coffee?
Hmmm, well I limit my coffee to two cups a day which is close enough to how I work, but I could easily have more men! I couldn't manage seven coffees at once, but I could certainly handle seven men! I don't have coffee after 4pm which is most definitely not how I like my men!
After much thought, here is my top ten of how I like my men and coffee (in no particular order).
I like my coffee, like I like my men...
1. ...Sitting on the kitchen counter
2. ...with a good head
4. ...every morning without fail
5. ...available on my whim
6. ...able to perk me up in an instant
7. ...with a teaspoon sticking out of them
8. ...to smell good
9. ... spilled all down my tits
(I got stuck at number 7)
Yes, I know I said I wouldn't tour again but I have itchy feet and fancy a jaunt!
Am planning to be in Liverpool between 10th-13th December based in a lovely apartment close to the town centre.
I will also be available for duos with the lovely Sarita but only if you get yourself organised and book us in advance. Otherwise we shall be off out drinking wine and putting the world to right!
I don't often get involved in anything political, but there is one thing that I do feel strongly enough about to make my voice heard. It is the current proposal by Rhoda Grant the Scottish MP regarding making the purchase of sex illegal in Scotland.
Here is the full consultation document.
Below is my draft letter I intend on sending to her. I haven't sent it yet because I'm hoping someone that knows better than me might read it and advise if there's anything I should add or remove.
I am writing to register my objection to your proposals to criminalise the purchase of sex in Scotland.
Please note I am a private individual and would like my response to be treated as anonymous.
I am a prostitute working from my home in London for the last three years; I am friends with other sex workers and an active member on a couple of internet forums relating to prostitution. I have met hundreds of men over the years so feel I am in a good place to understand the sex industry. I wanted to share my experiences with you and voice my opinion on your proposals to criminalise the purchase of sex in Scotland.
Your view that prostitution constitutes as sexual exploitation and violence against women and the majority of those who are involved in prostitution are unwilling participants is simply untrue.
Whilst I cannot speak for all women and I am fully aware that there are people who are forced into sex work unwillingly I absolutely believe that there are a huge number of women who have made their own decision to become prostitutes. They are happy with their choices and actually enjoy it. They have not been doing it since they were children, do not come from abusive backgrounds and many are strong, intelligent and well educated women. They are not in harmful relationships or drug addicts. The media stereotype of prostitution is incorrect.
I believe opinion that prostitution is degrading and harmful comes from your own personal feelings as a woman (which of course you are perfectly entitled to feel) and not the feelings of many sex workers. I have not lost my dignity doing this job, I do not feel exploited. In fact I am proud that I can work for myself and make a living in this way. I treat my work as a business, I work hard to promote myself, ensure my standards are kept to, I enjoy meeting the many men I do and I feel a sense of job satisfaction when my clients leave me feeling happy and relaxed and frankly I enjoy sex with strangers. This is a view shared by many of my friends and peers within the industry.
Your proposed bill claims that you do not want to further criminalise prostitutes. The emphasis is on criminalising the men who pay for our services. I cannot understand how this is helpful in any way whatsoever. Again, your personal stereotyped views have painted these men as violent, exploitative individuals. You are wrong.
There are many men out there who pay for sex. In my experience there is no ‘type’. Over the last three years I have met men from 18 to over 80, of all races, religions, class and profession. They all have their own personal reason for visiting prostitutes and those reasons are not to harm or dehumanise me.
I believe that most men pay for sex at some point whether it is a one off experience, at a stag night, a massage with a ‘happy ending’ on a more regular basis or for a short period in their lives. I don’t think there has ever been a proposal before that aims to criminalise half the population!
I have clients who state their marriages would be intolerable without the odd trip to see me. I give them something their wives do not wish to anymore. An hour with me satisfies them, it keeps their marriage going and their family together, it stops them having affairs which can cause heart ache for all involved.
I have met widowers who miss the female touch but not ready to remarry. I have met disabled clients and men who lack confidence to meet women socially. I meet elderly men who I make feel young and attractive again. I meet young men who have no wish to lead women into thinking they want a relationship to get sex. Many of these men leave happy and not just in a sexually satisfied way. They feel desired, listened to, we have a laugh, and we talk about every subject under the sun. I have met single women who want to explore their sexuality; I have met couples in healthy loving relationships who want to experience new things together. In fact a partner and I have paid for women to join us. We certainly were not exploiting or degrading anyone.
I fail to comprehend why the above needs to become a criminal offence. I fail to see what sex between two consenting adults, regardless that money has changed hands has to do with anyone else. Your proposed bill is based on misleading figures and a stereotype based on outdated notions of what is and isn’t acceptable in society.
If your bill was to be passed would it really put off the kind of men who are dangerous towards women? What your bill would do is deter the kind, law abiding clients that all sex workers wish to see. Business would be reduced for many women leaving them financially vulnerable. It could potentially force women to take more risks on who they see or offer services that they may not be entirely comfortable with. Why should women have to leave a job they enjoy because someone else believes they are not enjoying it?
What the police need to be able to do is tackle those who are forced into prostitution. If the women out there who are abused and trafficked have not been rescued yet then that is a huge failing and where resources need to be focused. The law that prevents women working together in the same location needs reviewing. If the wellbeing and safety of sex workers is a concern of yours then you have to actually listen to sex workers, find out what would make our already stigmatised jobs safer and focus on those who are forced and abused. This is what those in power should be focused on, not the criminalisation of the innocent.
Yours Sincerely etc etc
I keep tweaking it and editing so am going to leave it alone now and come back to it tomorrow before I send it.
If you are interested in this and want to read more or even add weight to the cause and write to Rhoda Grant yourself then here are some linkies:
Adore Amy's blog
Laura Lee's blog
This could happen. It could happen here. Do your bit, whether sex worker, punter or someone with a bit of common sense. You do not need to be based in Scotland to respond to this.
Inspired by a conversation with Sarita during a discussion about going to see an open air opera in Verona (We're dead classy cultured whores you know!) here is a list of weird sexual encounters.
1. On a mans living room floor because he had just split up with his girlfriend and it felt too weird for him to shag me in their previously shared bed. He played me Wagner's Ring cycle (not all 16 hours of it) and told me the story of Brunhilde.
2. Ending up in some god forsaken place just outside Cambridge (and I don't mean a nice village I mean Bar Hill) with a man who had a hamster called Carlsburg. He has stolen a bar towel from somewhere and stuck a bit of paper with the word hamster written on it over the word beer. Despite him having the best hamster in the world the sex is long forgotten.
3. With the ex landlord of my local who was covering for the owners whilst they were away. He fed me free brandy and fucked me on the saloon bar floor (after he'd thrown everyone out). He was 50 something, I was 22.
4. Local in above pub. He was about 25 years older than me, had a glass eye, false teeth and had been in prison for armed robbery. He took me back to his where I discovered instead of an ashtray he emptied like a normal person he had a pile of cigarette butts and ash by his bed about 3 foot high.
5. The night of my 20th birthday me and my friends had picked up a gaggle of strange men on our night out. I ended up in bed with a Portuguese bar man called Paulo who I had been shagging on and off. He then left my bed to throw up (he was pissed, it wasn't me I'm pretty sure). I got offended, dressed and went back downstairs and managed to pull someone else. Went to bed with him. Paulo barged in mid bonk. Left in tears and didn't speak to me for weeks. Obviously these days I would have invited him to join in, but the concept of threesomes hadn't become a viable option hadn't entered my head. I was slutty but not adventurous!
6. The incident which will be forever known as the naked man in the wardrobe incident. I can't explain it any further because of who might read this, but lets just say it involved pretending to be a lesbians, a shared blow job, a boyfriend who we claimed to have a shotgun and a naked man in the wardrobe. After the kerfuffle and I let him out I felt I had to shag him to make up for the trauma and had to say things like 'Oooh I'm not a lesbian anymore'.
7.In a pub outhouse with a man I had just met and had spent 2 minutes snogging before I decided to drag him to outhouse. He couldn't get hard and it was all very unsatisfactory.
Of course these were all in my much younger days. Except the last one. That was this summer.
Ok, so I have joined Twitter having been convinced by the lovely Rosalie and a couple of chaps who use it too. Honestly, I pop into a well know punting chatroom for a bit of morning banter and all of a sudden I am plunged into a new scary world!
OK, am being a drama queen now, but I can't quite get my head around it, although I am sure I said that about this website and Facebook (in personal life, so no point trying to find me there!) when I started them!
So, now I have to think of interesting things to tweet about and get my head around the strange things coming up on my page- I think they are retweets from other people. Am about to learn about hastags...
SO, if you are on Twitter and want to follow me please do, maybe tell me you found me via this blog?
Any advice also muchly appreciated!