delve a little deeper....
I sometimes get enquiries about massage so I thought I would add a little something about me and massage.
Firstly, I never quite know whether a man actually wants a massage when he asks me this on the phone or if he means a massage in the wink wink nudge nudge sense. Afterall massage parlours are really euphemisms for brothels and there is a big trade for massages with a happy ending. Of course I assume he means in the wink wink nudge nudge sense because, well you wouldn't be calling me if you actually needed a chiropractor or osteopath would you?! I have many talents but physio isn't one of them! But when a man calls for a massage I need to know if he wants a massage at all or if he means I want a blow job and a shag! Both is allowed of course!
Anyway, I am happy to do a Minxy massage, but I don't profess to being an expert and I am certainly not trained or qualified and nor do I have a massage table but I do give massages and noone seems to have complained! I think it's s nice way to relax before the nitty gritty and there must be a sense of anticipation about knowing that at some point you'll be asked to turn over and have your penis lovingly caressed!
There is something very sensual about feeling the touch of somebody's hands on your skin and it's very erotic for me to slide my boobs across your back and run my fingers gently up your thigh, riiiight the way to the top! The bonus of my boobs getting covered in oil means a nice oily tit wank is also on the cards and everyone likes one of them don't they?!
I keep some massage oils in as well as baby oil so the choice is yours, but a note of caution is required! Oils do bad things to latex! It eats up condoms causing them to be more susceptible to breaking and splitting. Therefore if we do end up getting covered in oil you won't be getting any penetrative sex unless you're willing to have a break for us both to have a soap down to ensure all is safe!
Water or silicone based lotions/lubes can be used as they don't contain any oil, but I've found them to be a bit on the sticky side and not as good- any suggestions of good ones gratefully received. I might pick some up later and try another brand though.
I am also very happy to be massaged myself, I get dreadful knots in my shoulders (too much time at the laptop and on all fours being bonked or sucking cock I think!) so if you're inclined to offer as part of our session I won't turn you down!
Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sad to say I received a complaint today.
It went like this:
I have bone to pick with you young lady. I learned 2 things today- anal beads are like little shit carrying escalators and always do Anal Play on a towel. 2 things not mentioned in you recent blog!!!
Of course I apologised to the gent in question for not keeping him fully informed about how he should conduct anal play with himself (once I had stopped laughing and wiped the tears from my eyes) .
I would like to point out that all anal play in my boudoir is conducted on a towel because as I point out at the bottom of this page there is a risk of um... mess when dealing with such areas. The unfortunate gentlemen had not envisaged this and had to undertake a hasty laundry run. This is what happens of course if you allow amateurs into your bottom, even if said amateur is yourself.
So to help rectify (ha ha!) my error I am pointing out that anal play can have its downsides. If you choose not to engage in my services, something our haphazard gent has learnt to his detriment then you need to note the following:
1. Shit happens
2. Consider an anal douche beforehand.
3. Put a towel down
4. Have wet wipes to hand
5. Consider putting a condom on your sex toys.
Once again, my sincerest apologies to my wronged friend.
Seriously, I did, scary bastards.
I decided to take the day off and do some shopping and wandering in Twickenham. I went to the gardens of York House on the river and took my camera along because I wanted to take some photographs of the statues (more of in a minute). I stopped to try and take a picture of a squirrel, why anyone needs a photo of a squirrel I don't know but it's just one of those things you do isn't it? As if a squirrel was some rarely seen mythical animal only seen for two weeks in September between 3pm and 4pm... So I'm there thinking I need a picture of this squirrel trying to creep towards it and not make any sudden movements whilst simultaneously zooming camera and getting squirrel to look my way. Squirrel looks at me and I snap. Then it moves forward and I'm thinking oooh can get a really close one in manner of intrepid wildlife photographer. Squirrel is now hurtling towards me with murder in its eyes! I squeak like the girl I am and run away. After telling myself squirrel was not actually after me I continue pottering about feeling at one with nature. I stop to take a photo of a snail on a tree. At least they don't move much I thought.
Having found the macro setting on camera yet inexplicably turning it into black and white I took a snap of snail (seen right) I then realise I am surrounded by three squirrels all getting closer and with my murder in their eyes. Scream like a girl and run away again. One even chased me. I actually had visions of being mauled by these brave mutant squirrels and be found half eaten by the river by a passing tramp. Suspect squirrels have been fed a lot here and see humans as food providers and not actual food but they really freaked me out. Several times I had to walk very quickly away stamping my feet as I wandered about looking for the statues. Believe me I felt like an utter pratt but I was actually scared one would jump on me and scratch my eyes out. I couldn't believe how pushy these bushy tailed scavengers were. Even when I ran away they actually followed me! I texted a friend to ask if I smelled of acorns, but he only came back with some 'witty' comment about me smelling of nuts...cheeky fuck.
So, I found the statues, known as The Naked Ladies. They were originally imported from Italy by a corrupt financier who eventually took his own life the Oceanides (or sea nymphs) were acquired from Witley Park and brought to their current location by Sir Ratan Tata ( what a fab name) who had bought York House from the duc d'Orléans in 1906. Carved Italian Carrara white marble they were sculpted in the early nineteenth century by the Roman studio of Orazio Andreoni.
Here are some pictures- I figured it'd make a change blogging pictures of myself naked:
Aren't they fabulous?!
Just before I left a great big heron came along and sat on one of the ladies heads. Not being Heather Angel or having much more than a cheap click and point camera on me this was the best I could get. I left after being stalked yet again by the deranged squirrels.
It was nice to get some fresh air and I also managed to pick up four books which were on my to read list- two of them for £1.50 each at local charity shop so was very pleased. Also witnessed a drunk demanding beer in the Waitrose Costa. You'd have thought you'd get a better class of person in such a place wouldn't you?!
Am back working tomorrow so shall have a nice early night and be ready for a much needed bonking! Please do not bring your pet squirrel when you visit. I now have a new phobia.
Today in a well known puntering chat room somehow the topic arrived at limericks. Here are my attempts about the various participants:
There was a young lady from Hounslow
Whose talent was making mens cocks grow
They booked by the hour
She used all her power
To make them come and overflow
There once was wily old beeste
Whose hobby it was to feast
On nubile young things
And lick at their rings
And they minded not in the least
There was a young man called Axe
Whose bottom he liked to wax
When he bent over
He was in clover
And said now lets do my cracks
There was an Irish gal called Vics
Whose job it was to suck dicks
She swallowed them whole
It was her goal
To finish 'em in about 50 licks
Lovelyslut she said was her name
And often she tried to claim
She was bitchy and mean
And also obscene
But really she was very tame!
She didn't like this one on the basis she IS obscene! So I tried again...
Lovelyslut was a hot scary domme
And also a hookering tom
She scared all the boys
With her fearsome noise
And boy, did she do it with aplomb!
And this one was written for me by the lovely Bewilderbeeste
There once was a prossie called Lydia
Who loved to play and fiddle wid'yer
She'd enthusiastically suck and gloriously fuck
Until it was time to get rid o' yer
Oh the nerves, the nerves; the mysteries of this machine called man! Oh the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are!
Charles Dickens. The Chimes
A while ago I wrote a blog promising to write something about the process of booking me and what to expect particularly with chaps who had never 'done this kind of thing before'!
I was reminded this week (hello R!) so thought I had better fulfill my promise.
What you are doing is not illegal. Read this for more information.
Everyone else is at it so why not you too? The men I have met have been of all ages, races, religions, colour, professions with a spectrum from Bloody damn gorgeous to erm, less fortunate to look at. There really is no 'type' so I have a theory that most men will meet an escort at some point in their life. Therefore if everyone else is doing it, why aren't you?!
So, what happens once you decide to sample my delights? Well you need to contact me. You can do this initially by email, via my contact page here or even by text for an initial enquiry. I will want to speak to you on the phone before I meet you though. I'm also not into ongoing text conversations so be warned! I have to be wary of the phone wankers (those telling me their lurid fantasies whilst knocking one out) and I need to be sure you are in fact a man and not a child or suspicious wife! Apart from anything I can tell a lot from someones phone manner which helps with my twat radar! The way I see it is if someone can not communicate with me nicely on the phone I don't wish to meet them! That's not to say you should worry about sounding nervous or fumbling over your words- that's common and doesn't put me off.
So on the phone we will agree a day and time and for how long. You can tell me any requests you have such as what I wear or what you want from the session. Equally, you don't have to be specific if you're not sure and just want to go with the flow. However it's handy for me if you have something specific such as watersports in mind or anal play.
Once we have agreed when I may ask you to confirm. If the booking is within the next couple of hours then it doesn't matter but any longer then I will ask you to call or text to confirm nearer the time. The reason for this is that there are timewasters out there and of course genuine reasons why you can't make it may come up. At the final confirmation I will give a rough address and ask you to call me when you arrive. Again because people don't show up I won't give out the exact house number until you have arrived. So, don't worry if you think I'm being cagey, it's standard procedure!
If you're booking an outcall at a hotel then I will ask for the room number and call you in your room to confirm you are indeed there! I'll double check with you that I can get to your room OK- some hotels have a keycard system so I won't be able to get in the lift or to the room without one, In this case we'll arrange to meet somewhere. I will also ask you where the lifts are in relation to the main entrance so I can walk in as if I am meant to be there. Don't worry, I always dress conservatively or casually when arriving and I won't be asking for you at the front desk. Assuming I can get into the hotel OK I will text you on arrival and let you know I'm on my way up.
So, what happens when you arrive? Well, a welcome and hopefully you can admire my loveliness! I'll offer you a drink and use of the bathroom and ask you if you want to sit with me in the lounge for a chat first of straight to the bedroom.
if you haven't offered I will ask for the cash. It's pretty standard procedure getting money up front. it's not that I don't trust you, but well, I don't trust anyone! It also means that if we end up having a magical time we may be too elated to remember at the end!
For bookings over 45 minutes it's fairly usual we sit down and have a chat, but of course it's your gig so if you want bedroom action straight away that's fine too!
How things will go will depend on the booking and what you want. What you want and don't want won't offend me, so don't worry about that. I know some guys aren't into kissing so if I ask you don't feel bad about saying no, I really won't be upset!
Well I hope that's helped a bit. Most girls will have a similar ideas to me, so hopefully this will give you a bit of insight into meeting an escort for the first time.
There is a chance I may be in Cardiff next Monday so if you are that way and would like to see me please get in touch because I can't make a decision! If I get a booking I shall go, if not I won't so don't go leaving it and assume I will be there! Drop me a line of you're interested!
I haven't been to Wales for years so will be nice to spend some time there, I will be in an apartment probably so all very nice and discreet but I am sure it will rain because it always rains when I go to Wales so if you think you'll need some Minxy sunshine in your life
Some of you may have read my page on anal play, but I wanted to add a little more about is as have received a few emails in recent weeks asking more about it and specifically how I envisage a booking to go. It's not easy for me to answer 'Will you be able to fist me in an hour booking?' I don't know your experiences and your body well enough to answer that, but hopefully the following will help answer some of the more common questions and concerns I hear from potential clients.
Now, I don't claim to be an expert on the art of fisting, but I have had plenty of experience and do know what I'm doing. I think a healthy interest in the subject and the fact that I enjoy it and am not squeamish about it helps. If you want an expert's view, go read something about Bert Herrman who is apparently the worlds leading expert on the subject. His approach is very spiritual; he sees it as a path to enlightenment and higher consciousness and a way to bond with another person. He draws on Eastern religions, particularly the principles of tantric sex. I don't claim to be able to provide spirituality or any paths to enlightenment, but of you get this from a session then great (I can light a candle and give you directions to the tube station I suppose..)
Anal beads reflecting in the sunlight!
So, you have an interest in anal fisting? I am totally aware that many many people's reaction will be OMG! Yuck! Noooo! when the subject is mentioned, but I am also aware that it is something desired and practiced by many people both gay and straight. A desire to be anally fisted (or even experience simple anal play) is not a sign of homosexuality. I have been asked many times by men 'Does it mean I'm a bit gay then?' No, it doesn't- although I personally believe most people have the potential to be bisexual, anal play isn't about wanting to have sex with a man, it's simply because it feels nice! It may also tick the boxes of feeling slightly submissive, doing something which is taboo or just plainly because it feels good.
When we speak about anal fisting I will ask you questions. I need to know whether you have achieved it before and if not what you have done in terms of anal insertion. I can not promise to be able to fist someone who has never even had a finger in their bottom before. It takes practice!
During the actual session I prefer that we are relaxed to start with and by that I mean that we have had a conversation and maybe a little bit of a play to get us in the mood. I find anal play in general works better if a man is already turned on, excited and relaxed with me. That's not to say if you're experienced and you just want to get on with it without the niceties I won't disagree!
Some men ask about any preparation they need to make beforehand. It's better if you have had a pooh before you come and see me and obviously a wash afterwards. Think of how a sheep's bottom often looks. Yes pooh attaches itself to your bottom hair too, so a proper scrub is required! Some people like to use an anal douche beforehand but to be honest I don't think it's essential, but if you want a go on mine then do ask! It's also quite a weird feeling and easy to do yourself- I draw the line at this though, you can do it whilst I am safely behind the bathroom door!
Depending on what YOU want the anal fisting can start once you're on laying down comfortably or we can have a play with some toys first. I have anal beads, butt plugs and dildos which can be used, or if you fancy something different why not ask to be opened up using my anal speculum?
Anal speculum. Arty not scary.
I will be wearing surgical gloves and using lots of lube to help my hand along its journey. The gloves are to prevent my nails stabbing you as well as for general hygiene. I will not fist you without gloves and nor should you want me to!
To actually fist someone isn't actually about making a fist and pushing in like a slow punch. Once I am right inside you my hand will be more fist shape, but for insertion it will be like this.
I usually start with a finger and progress along adding fingers, checking how you feel. If it's feeling tight or you are uncomfortable then I will slow down or just leave one of two fingers in you until you relax and are ready to continue. Depending on how used to anal fisting you are will depend on how long it takes. Some chaps who have this done on a regular basis can take my whole fist very quickly, with others it is a much longer process. The hardest part is obviously getting past my knuckles and if you think it hurts you then think about my poor hand! ;)
The thing I love about fisting is the point past my knuckles and this part is really awesome. Often there is an almost vacuum and my hand feels sucked inside. Whooosh! Its weird, good weird though. Once my hand is inside you and I'm past my wrist I can experiment with what works for you in terms of moving my hand, moving it back and forth and the speed will depend on you. This varies hugely from man to man so it's all about what feels right for you and of course up for you to tell me faster, harder or slower. Some men like me to keep my hand still and move up and down me themselves or simply enjoy the sensation of being 'full'. Again, the length of time I spend inside you will depend on what you want and of course depending on our positions I am more than happy to play with or suck your cock! Is you want to orgasm whilst I am fisting you then please let me know if there is anything I can do to assist. I am told that orgasms whilst being fisted are incredible!
Well I hope that helps, if you have any further questions please don't hesitate to contact me or add a comment at the bottom of this blog post.
Incidentally, if you're wondering why among the lovely photos I have taken to illustrate this piece there aren't actually any of any actual anal fisting I shall tell you.
1. I don't have any to hand nor a spare anus model
2. It's actually illegal to posses images of anal fisting.
Yes, you read that right! Whilst consensual fisting is perfectly legal it is not legal to take and send photos of the act...
Thanks to Section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 also known as the Violent Porn Act it is now a criminal offence to posses images let alone put them on the internet of an act which results (or is likely to result) in serious injury to a person's anus, breasts or genitals. Never mind that that the said act is consensual.
In fact only last month a man was (thank God) acquitted for having images of fisting and other sexual acts sent to his email. Read this if you're interested in the case. Despite being acquitted imagine the stress of having your personal life go through court and the press let alone losing your job over it. Anyway, the point is, I won't be taking any photographs of my fist in your arse.
Last weekend I went to the wedding of an old university friend. I was very much looking forward to catching up with the gang and celebrating the last of our little crowd of five to get married. Seeing as two of us are already separated/divorced maybe the circle will start again as we start on the rounds of second weddings! Please note it won't be my turn again for a very long time! Well, at least it gives us all a reason to all catch up....
As well as some of my oldest girlies attending there were a few people I haven't seen for years, a few lads who we knocked around with, the bride's family and people we had met for one reason of other over the years. The difficulties with this as well as other social situations when you do what I do is what to say when you meet someone either for the first time or after a number of years when the inevitable question of 'So, what do you do?' comes up. I think, as a nation we are defined by our career. I know stay at home mums have the same gripe when asked the same question. They feel that people lose interest or are thinking What a shame, she was so clever/bright/ambitious once. But at least being a mum is socially acceptable. Answering 'Well, I'm on the game' isn't really the done thing and I somehow can never get my story straight in my head so usually end up mumbling 'Oh this and that' and changing the subject, which probably makes people think I am either a road sweeper or a drug dealing gun runner.
In situations when I know I wont be seeing the person again I use the line 'Oh I'm a dreadfully dull accountant' because people never ask much more. However seeing as both the happy couple are (very interesting and fun) accountants and graduated in accountancy the place was wall to wall full of accountants and my usual get out would probably land me in a sticky conversation about spreadsheets or P&L or something accountant-y. Apart from the fact anyone who knew me at uni would know full well that I cry when faced with lists of numbers and that I may have offered blow jobs and/or vodka in return for help with the odd bits of accountancy and economics I had to do on my hotel management course. It was never going to wash...
Then I discovered the bride had blabbed to some of the lads about my career choice, which I kind of expected she might have so I was a bit nervous how they would react to me ( or worse, their mumsy looking wives) . At least it meant they were less likely to ask me what I was doing these days- or at least not til after copious glasses of wine, in which case I would be better equipped to deal with the answer.
My first trial was with the bride's mother who certainly did not know about my job who after hugs (I'd not seen her in about 15 years) and pleasantries were swapped about our health and the weather she introduced me to her niece and said 'So, are you still in hotels? The intake of breathe from bride and another friend present was almost audible and in my head I was saying 'Oh yes, but only in bedrooms and by the hour'. I managed not to and said 'Oh no, not done that for years!' made my excuses about needing to get changed and ran away.
There was some ribbing later from the lads, but very gently and by that time I was pissed enough to shut them up with 'Well I bet my hourly rate is better than most people here!' (very crass I know, but that's what a free bar does to me). They didn't treat me any differently and the general consensus was I may as well be paid for something I used to distribute quite freely after the Friday night bop back in 1995.
However, I did tell someone (who I apparently met about 5 years ago) that I was an ejaculation facilitator and when they looked confused I leaned forward rather wobbly and whispered (loudly) 'That means I suck cock!' I don't think he believed me though and I sashayed off before he could ask any more.
So, it was all OK. My friends are a liberal crowd and they know me well enough to know I'm smart, safe, savvy, naturally slutty and well suited to the job. It does mean I have become a great source of anecdotes and well, a bit of a show and tell specimen. People are actually really fascinated rather than horrified by my work and I suppose because I'm not a boob tube, micro mini, thigh high boot wearing slut fest (in public at least!) and I am clearly not drug addled or repressed and exploited people do see a different side of prostitution. And despite having to answer the same questions every time* I do kind of enjoy educating people about what it's really like and well, I do quite like to be the centre of attention!
In fact I think my friends invite me to coffee mornings/to pick their kids up from school just so they can introduce their rather exciting whore friend who will keep the conversation away from nappies, the school run and tedious child based talk in general. I often hear things like 'I was telling my friend from yoga/the PTA/Brownies/whose daughter in little Johnnie's class about you and she wants to meet you Oh and she asked me to ask you X,Y,Z.'
So despite that I always worry about being a social leper I haven't ever really encountered any nasty or horrible reactions from people. The worst it gets is a concern for my safety (which is kind) and comments about how they could never do it, the overwhelming reaction is 'Good on you!'
I do however think there is a generation gap, I suspect my parent's generation would be a little more horrified and I would never embarrass someones mum or granny!
*The questions. my answer in brackets
1. But isn't it illegal? (no. Followed by explanation of UK laws and a rant about how stupid and archaic they are)
2. Eww, but don't you have to shag dirty smelly old men? (Nope, I stick those ones in the shower with dettol and I like old men anyway)
3. Wow! I bet you earn a fortune, what's your hourly rate? (Um no and didn't your mother teach you it's rude to ask what someone earns?)
4. Have you shagged anyone famous? (That would be telling! accompanied by mysterious smirk.