delve a little deeper....
I am a champion of all kinds of sex workers and don't believe in the hierarchy that exists in some people's minds. It's easy to see why people might put exclusive courtesans at the top of the list and streetwalkers at the bottom and parlour workers and independent workers somewhere in between. It's easy to dismiss those who work part time as less professional or worthy than those who choose it as a full time career, but frankly that's all rubbish.
At the end of the day there are people who are good and bad at their job, do it for all reasons and make the choices they make. It's not impossible to have a happy content streetwalker and a miserable £300 an hour 'high class companion'. Ultimately we all sell sex and we're all individuals with our own stories and experiences.
The above paragraph was a bit of a disclaimer to ensure noone accuses me of being snobbish or bitchy about other sex workers or trying to paint myself as perfect.
What I am though is honest and genuine. Not everyone is like that. Following on this post where I characterised some of the men one finds on punting websites this post is about Bad Escorts.
I'm not talking about those who really are thieves and con artists like this woman or those Maggie McNeil describes is this excellent blog but those who don't rely on being good to get repeat custom but use ways of screwing more money out of clients whilst doing as little as possible and generally giving the industry a bad name.
I've also purposely not including anything that might be connected to deeper more serious issues such as drug use, pimps, women who can't speak English or who are scared or nervous.
Little Miss Lazy
She: Wants to do as little as possible
Likes: Making a man come as quickly as possible then ending the booking
Dislikes: Anything more strenuous than opening her legs and clients staying the full length of their booking.
Most likely to say: My arm aches, that hurts my back. Sorry, I need to lay down.
Tricks: Setting the bedroom clock ten minutes fast
Little Miss Distracted
She: Avoids doing the job at hand
Likes: Taking 10 minutes to put the money away, watching the TV whilst being shagged, takes phone calls mid booking.
Dislikes: Having to engage with the client.
Most likely to say: Hang on, I just need to finish this Candy Crush level.
Tricks: Telling a very long story to waste some more time.
Little Miss Grumpy
She: is downright miserable
Likes: very little it appears
Dislikes: Smiling and Speaking
Most likely to say: Have you finished yet?
Tricks: Yawning and rolling her eyes
Little Miss Extras
She: Charges extra for every little thing and fails to mention until during the booking.
Likes: Turning a £100 booking into a £200 booking
Dislikes: Being turned down.
Most likely to say: Kissing is £20, oral sex is £30, glass of tap water £3.50
Tricks: Her whole Modus Operandi is a con.
Little Miss Fake
She: Uses the photos of a porn star
Likes: Thinking she can pull off losing 10 years and several dress sizes
Dislikes: Men walking out in horror
Most likely to say: But it is me!
Tricks: Knowing most men think with their cocks so will stay and pay.
Little Miss Messy
She: Can't be arsed. The place is a mess, she is grubby.
Likes: Picking the dirt under her chipped fingernails.
Dislikes: Dressing up for a booking, emptying the bins and changing the bed linen.
Most likely to say: Take me as I am.
Tricks: None, just doesn't care.
I was asked the other day for tips on how to give a good hand jobs. On initial sight of this question I thought, well there's not much to it is there? I mean there's one general technique, it's not complicated. However, having thought about it and trying to be careful I ended up thinking that actually, there is a bit to be said about handjobs.My tits, someone's cock, I forget who.
Handjobs are fairly low down the order of kinky things and are often pushed aside for their more exciting cousin the blowjob.
Handjobs however are most people's first foray into sex. Of course, boys start the process of discovering their sexuality by touching their own cocks and knocking one out into a sock (or something) as teenagers. Therefore it stands to reason by the time most men become sexually active with an actual woman (or man) they have developed a finely tuned wanking technique which probably takes them through for the rest of their wanking days.
When I was 17 my boyfriend told me my handjob technique was "nearly as good as me doing it myself"! I was a bit offended at the time, but looking back now there was no greater compliment. I think almost everyone can get themselves off more efficiently than anyone else, (I can make myself come in under 2 minutes, no bloody man can!)
I think for many men having someone else do it is more erotic and exciting. I have been told more than once by clients that they were fed up with DIY hence a visit to me. Of course the visual (men are VERY visual) of having someone do it makes it more exciting and less like hard work particularly if it ends with an ejaculation over the face or tits!
Nearly all sexual encounters consist of a wanking. It's part of foreplay, even if it isn't a vigorous wank, touching the penis is an essential part of foreplay and for most men they would rather lose a leg than their penis so feel honoured to have your hands on it and treat it nicely!
Professionally, I do a lot of penis-to-hand work, to get things going, to tease and to finish off. With some men not liking condoms or being able to come with one on the happy ending often comes from some hand action. A wank is also perfect for those extra cautious about health and don't want to risk an uncovered blowie.
So is there a right way and a wrong way to give a handjob?
The answer to that is No. All men like to be touched differently. Some like it held gently, others harder, the speed a man can prefer varies and there is a big difference between wanking circumcised and uncircumcised willies. The ones with a foreskin are generally easier to do the up and down motion with, but then some have really tight foreskins and you don't want your over enthusiasm to split anything! Some men like to keep the glans (bellend) of the penis covered with the foreskin and some like it pushed back.
So, the secret is is to find out. All men like it done differently and there are no hard and fast rules.
Here is a list of my handy hints. Please note for ease I am referring to a woman giving the handjob here, of course I am aware men give other men handjobs. Also, I am not incorporating anything about blowjobs because even though I know the two often go together I want to give the handjob the spotlight today!
1. Communicate. Chaps, if you want it done differently then say so, in a nice way. Barking NOT LIKE THAT! isn't going to work, just say 'Can you hold it a bit tighter?' (or whatever) or move the hand to a good position yourself. Women, ask him if it's OK, ask him how he likes it? There's something hot in itself by being vocal and wanting to please the man.
2. Be Aware. Listen and watch for what works for him. See when he moans or groans.
3. If still in doubt tell him you love to see a man wank himself and then watch how he holds himself! Mutual masturbation in itself is very sexy, but also use it to figure out how he likes it! You might be surprised. Some men hold it at what looks like a really weird angle.
4. Be gentle to start. Don't hold too tightly or yank it about. Should I have to say this? Use a slight twisting motion, This is easier to do than straight up and down especially if he is circumcised. Going slowly is also a good teasing method and if you're not in a rush then why make him spurt before he's had time to enjoy it?
5. Use all your hand. Use your fingers to caress the tip of the penis, if there's precum dab it up with your finger. Stroke your fingers up and down the shaft gently, use your palm with out gripping for another sensation. Cover the entire cock too, from base to tip! A firmer grip at the bottom and a more gentle one at the head is usually a good rule.
6. Don't forget to pay attention to the sensitive corona (the ridge where the head meets the shaft) and frenulum (the thin ridge that runs the length of the underside of his penis). Taking time to massage these areas will work wonders!
7. Don't forget the balls. Unless a man tells you otherwise these should be handled with care. But incorporate cupping them with your hand and maybe a VERY gentle squeeze. Run your finger up and down his perineum- the bit between the base of the balls and his anus.
8. Be enthusiastic! Smile, look like you're enjoying it even if you're not. A bored expression is not sexy, nor is reading your book (unless you're reading him a dirty story) or watching telly at the same time.
My hand, don't my nails look good?!
9. Remember men are visual. Make porny faces, give him a dirty look (as in naughty, not a glare!) or a cheeky wink. Talk to him, tell him you love how his hard dick feels in your hand, tell him you want him to come all over your tits, tell him you want his spunk.
10. Lube is good. I find for foreskinless men this really helps with the up and down motion and if it's taking time then is essential to stop chaffing. You can give your hand a rest while you find and apply the lube!
11. Use two hands. Link your fingers together with his cock in a clasp. Again, no squeezing too tightly!
12. Use other body parts. Rub his cock across your breasts and nipple or tap it on your cheek. There's something quite submissive about that move which can be very exciting. Of course if appropriate there is always the older cousin the tit wank to mix it up a bit and to give your hands a break and to prolong the moment.
Some men are into footjobs, but I suggest you find out first, some might find it a bit weird if they are not foot fetishists and it's probably one to suggest for some fun if you've known your partner for a while.
13. Change your position. Between his legs- works well if you want to dangle your boobs at him, by the side of him so he can reach you, on your knees looking up at him, laying side by side so you can kiss and so on. No reason why you need to stay in one place or in the same position every time.
14. The build up to the end usually means speeding up, but again this varies from man to man (Why don't they all come with an instruction manual?). Think where he is going to come. I personally love being come on, but not everyone does and some men would be horrified at the notion. I ask to find out. 'Where do you want to come?' is a pretty sexy line in itself. Be watchful towards the end, a second of broken concentration can result in ruined hair or wallpaper.
So there you go! Happy Wanking!
This post is dedicated to my new friend! She knows who she is!
I could post about the wonderful time I had in Spain, the food, the drink, the lovely sandy beaches, the history, the trains, the beauty of Barcelona and so on. I am not though, I am not a travel diary and everyone writes such things about Spain. Besides, I have a far more exciting discovery to share with you.
Late one night, well early one morning whilst heading back to hotel we came across this:
It's like a little shop without a front door and full of vending machines filled with all you might need after a night out. As you can see there is a coke machine, there is also a water machine and vending machines with things like crisps and chocolate and a machine to top up your mobile phone.
As you can see below (just about, they aren't very good snaps) the first machine has food in, not just late night munchies, but ready meals, sandwiches, a loaf of bread. I have never seen a loaf of bread in a vending machine before. I am easily impressed dear readers. Who needs Roman ruins or paella when you can discover bread in vending machines in Spain?
The second machine has useful items such as earphones, batteries, sim cards, cigarette papers and even a rolling machine, which I thought very useful. I'm sure stoners must be grateful of this when they get blurry eyed at 4am. Could you buy a rolling machine 24 hours a day in the UK? I think not!
You can see on the left of the top row of the second pic below that there are also condoms. Very sensible. Condoms should be easily found in the middle of the night. Nothing more annoying than pulling then having to search for protection is there? There is also helpful lube, which to be honest some of us need when too much vodka has dried up ones lady parts or if you want anal sex at 3am. I know I do.
So, after a night on the town, little tipsy maybe, a beautiful Spaniard takes your fancy and whispers to you Vamos a ir a la playa y llegar a conocernos un poco mejor you need supplies...
Some water because you need to sober up, some mints to freshen up winey breath. Maybe a loaf of bread and some olives to share as the sun comes up. Of course you need some protection (in a choice of flavours) and finally, what else would make a late night encounter really impressive?
Yes, a vibrator and some latex vibrating love balls.
How cool is that? Sex aids available 24/7?!
I am looking for someone to invest in me so I can open a chain of these across every city, town and village in the UK. We would make a fucking fortune!
I do have small doubts though that in the UK the place would end up awash with wee, vomit and passed out drunk people....
"But if you do not heed me and do not keep all these commandments, if you reject my precepts and spurn my decrees, refusing to obey all my commandments and breaking my covenant, then I, in turn, will give you your deserts. I will punish you with terrible woes--with wasting and fever to dim the eyes and sap the life. You will sow your seed in vain, for your enemies will consume the crop.
I will turn against you, till you are beaten down before your enemies and lorded over by your foes. You will take to flight though no one pursues you.
Bullying has always been around and can be found in any area of the globe or period in history you might choose from. There are individuals and groups that target others with tactics designed to intimidate, coerce or harm them. In some cases bullying is used to maintain social order and ensure that no one acquires too much dominance, status or personal power.
According to psychological sources, bullying is a specific type of aggression in which (1) the behavior is intended to harm or disturb, (2) the behavior occurs repeatedly over time, and (3) there is an imbalance of power, with a more powerful person or group attacking a less powerful one. This asymmetry of power may be physical or psychological, and the aggressive behavior may be verbal (eg, name-calling, threats), physical (eg, hitting), or psychological (eg, rumors, shunning/exclusion). The key elements of this definition are that multiple means can be employed by the bully or bullies, intimidation is the goal, and bullying can happen on a one-on-one or group basis (Nansel et al, 2001).
Even animals can pick on each other. Research has shown that among baboons from sub-Saharan Africa groups of related females work together to compete over resources and in doing so regularly gang up on individual females. (Altmann, 1980). It has been observed that some individual rats and mice will repeatedly attack others and steal their food.
The mice that suffered repeated social defeats were more anxious and experienced changes in brain chemistry (Kinsey et al, 2007).
It seems slightly ironic that a week after David Cameron told us that "online pornography is corroding childhood" that the press is now full of stories about internet bullying. Is this the real problem with the internet or has the internet just given us a new outlet for those who wish to intimidate or cause upset to others?
The death of 14 year old Hannah Smith this week who was relentlessly sent abuse via ask.fm has opened up yet another storm about how websites manage cyber bullying, abuse and trolling. Last week it was Twitter under pressure to change how it deals with bullying after campaigner and journalist Caroline Criado-Perez was put under what she described as 'a tidal wave of abuse' with rape and death threats. Threats were also made to MP Stella Creasy and Classicist Mary Beard.
Of course these are three well known people and what they received was a fraction of the abuse, bullying and harrassment found across the internet and poor Hannah Smith is one of many children across the world to have become suicidal over online bullying.
A man has been arrested over threats made to Criado-Perez, but of course the cynic in me wonders whether this was due to the fact she has a public profile (and even more cynically if because she is white, straight, middle class and nice looking).
However, today after the death of Hannah Smith pressure has been put on Ask.fm. Ask is a site that allows people to join and offer anyone who wants to ask questions anonymously- in that they don't have to sign in or provide an email address.
David Cameron has talked about irresponsible websites and asked people to boycott such sites if they don't 'clean up their act'. The Sun described ask.fm as a "suicide site" and said said the men behind ask.fm were "troll kings" on its front page. The irony of The Scum taking the moral high ground here is not lost on me. Several advertisers such as Vodafone, Specsavers, Save the Children and Laura Ashley have also moved to withdraw their adverts.
Following the pressure of Twitter to review their report policy and the frankly pointless 'TwitterSilence' on Sunday spurred on by Caitlin Moran to show some sort of protest (I never did quite get the point) it feels the blame for all ills of society is to be put onto the people who run websites.
Just because a car may run someone over the blame isn't put on car manufacturers? It's not down to them to ensure people either drive safely or not walk in front of a moving car. The onus has to be put on ensuring people drive safely, children are taught their Green cross code and harsh penalties for those who drive dangerously.
Ask.fm has around 8 million accounts and Formspring (a similar site) 29.5 million. Facebook has 1.11 BILLION users and Twitter 140 million users and sees 340 million tweets per day. Whilst all these accounts won't be used that is still a massive number of people to manage.
All these sites have processes to block, delete or report abuse and there are moderators who respond to this. Ask.fm have said they have a team of moderators present "around the clock - 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 365 days per year" who manually check all content posted to its site.
Like with the porn issue, parent's need to know what their kids are doing online, children need to be educated. They need to know the consequences of bullying online, the law with regards to making threats and of course how to respond when someone threatens or taunts you. This kind of thing has to start happening now. The internet has grown so fast and changed our lives so quickly, almost too quickly to manage and all of a sudden we find ourselves with 24/7 access to almost anything you could possibly want (or not want) to view and a new, more underhand way to hurt, abuse, insult and goad others.
I find it hard to comprehend why anyone would return to their ask.fm site once bullying started. Of course I'm not critisising Hannah Smith or anyone else who continues to read hate hurled at them or tries to fight back, but a simple lesson in life is that bullies like a reaction- any reaction. Silence bores them. Responding angrily or trying to argue against a viewpoint feeds them. Indeed, you'll often read 'Do Not Feed The Troll!' posted on forums when someone is spilling their venom or posting ridiculous or controversial view points. I think they are right. Responding to someone who is out to cause trouble won't make them stop and think about what they have done or change their views (unless you happen to troll Mary Beard and someone knows their mother!).
I'm not saying everyone should keep quiet about this kind of behaviour. The Twitter Silence day was met with a ShoutBack day by those who felt that being silent was offensive to those who don't get their voices heard often enough, whether it be women, sex workers or trans* women and men. Many see Twitter as a platform where they can be open about their life and experiences and by shutting up plays into the hands of those who don't think certain groups should have a voice. I certainly can attest to that and I do think that whilst there is no point engaging with trolls or hateful people I do think if you have the clout or the support network in place you can make others see what you are subjected to.
Freedom of speech is important though. I can shout pretty loudly about sex work and why I am not more inferior to anyone else and I have a right to do that, and I can do it in a reasoned manner. The person who thinks I should get a proper job or am letting all women down has the same right to make their views heard as me. However, once that crosses the line into personal abuse I'm shutting up. There is no point if you can't have a reasoned debate or exchange of views.
This doesn't help much when it comes to children being bullied on social media though. The answer isn't to limit the internet or reduce the ability to remain anonymous (in sex work circles for example staying anonymous is of paramount).
It's a change in education, it's making sure children (and maybe even adults) know the consequences of bullying, teaching them to stay safe, how to report bullies and where to get support and yes, maybe even teaching them to walk away. I really do believe sometimes silence is the right response. Retaliation only fans the flames of many who bully and abuse online.
There isn't a simple answer though, but screaming at the website owners isn't it either.