delve a little deeper....
The Scene: Daily Mail offices
A group of white heterosexual men in suits sit around a board table.
There is an air of unease. Circulation is down, The Mail Online aren't getting the hits they used to, advertisers are getting twitchy and rumblings from Dacre were getting louder...
'Any ideas anyone?' a white heterosexual man said hopefully.
Everyone looked thoughtful.
'Any gays died lately?' another white man asked 'We could get Moir in, she gave us no end of publicity when the poof from Boyzone copped it'
The room fell silent...
'You would have thought Littlejohn finishing that tranny off would have worked' someone else added.
The room filled with murmurs and headshaking. They were all most disappointed that that one hadn't made more of an impact despite the best efforts of those liberal lefties on Twitter.
'I suppose there's only one thing for it!' a white man who occasionally liked his bottom smacked by his Nigerian gardener announced. 'We'll have to get Brickie in!'
As she entered the room, the atmosphere changed. Air was sucked in through teeth, hard ons were hastily rearranged and the sound of wildly beating hearts could practically be heard as sweat glistened on many an upper lip.
'Fuck, she's so beautiful' one white man who had spent the night wanking over the Evening Standard's Thatcher pull out special said breathlessly.
She was a vision. She sat at the head of the table, her blonde hair spread across her shoulders like an angel. Her perfect legs crossed and the vacant look in her eyes was quickly changed with the smug self satisfaction that all these men would leave their wives for her.
'What can I do for you boys?' she said knowing the words on her lips were like a summer breeze across their fevered brows.
'We need something from you, we don't care who you upset but we need more readers, even readers who only read us because they hate us.'
'But, I already gave you my IVF trauma and heartbreak piece last week when you wanted me to do an obit of that IVF man who didn't give me a baby'. The pout on her lips was like the sweetest cherry.
'We know most pretty one, and we appreciate that but we need something more. Something to get the femin-lezzies going'
Samantha Brick looked thoughtful. The collective of white heterosexual men all waited, cocks still hard, pulses still racing.
'Well, you know how beautiful I am?'
'Yes!' a loud cry in unison was heard, each man hoping his affirmation was loud enough for her to notice him, even for just a second.
'Well, I thought I could share my secret of how one stays so beautiful. It's all about being thin.
The white hetreosexual men all removed the passing thoughts that they liked women with a healthy appetite, how they adored to see a pair of big bouncing boobs, slap a round peachy arse and any worry they had about their teenage daughter's eating disorder.
The beauty continued.
'Yes, that shall be my gift to you. I shall tell the world that being slim is the only way to be. Everyone should realise that only fit women will do well at work, I mean...'
She laughed daintily like a twinkling fairy flying by a crystal clear waterfall.
...'we all know dear Maggie never would have done so well if she'd been a lardy heffalump. I shall share the secret of my special polo mint diet and that it's OK to faint from hunger.
Samantha stood up, her dress rippling across her creamy (not that thin actually) thighs. She was getting into her stride now.
'I shall tell them to choose houses without kitchens, to holiday in predominantly vegetarian countries! I shall tell them to pick men who will DUMP them if they gain any weight!'
The white hetreosexual men all stood and cheered! Not caring that their trousers were still bulging and ruining the line, they whooped and yelled and cheered for their goddess!
'I don't care if even more women hate me, it's only because they are jealous of me, the fatties will all die of a cardiac arrest soon anyway!' she trilled like a bluebird on the first day of spring!
'Teenage girls need to know they won't be loved or get a job if they get fat. Starving yourself is the only way to be as perfect and beautiful as me!'
The cheering reached a crescendo. The white heterosexual men all knew that this one would be a winner. Tweets would be tweeted, blogs written, links posted on Facebook, commentary made in the lefty commie press (aka The Guardian) and general loathing and criticism across the land would fall at the feet of dear, beautiful Samantha and the advertisers and Editor would be happy again.
For those who are hard of thinking, the Daily Mail articles relevant to this post will not be linked here.